Unleashed in February (Behind The Month #1)

33

33, And Hope

"Erin! What on earth is wrong with you?! Bakit ka umalis nang basta-basta?!" nagpupuyos ang galit ni mama pagkalabas ko pa lang ng sasakyan.

Silang tatlo nina ate at papa ay nasa labas, hinihintay ako. I stayed beside the car, almost squeezing myself with my arms.

Nakayuko ako dahil mugto pa ang aking mga mata.

"We were worried sick! Ano bang ginawa mo?! Saan ka nagpunta?!" si mama na hinablot ang aking braso.

Napilitan akong mag-angat ng tingin sa kanila. Ate Apple hesitated a bit before moving forward to hold our mother's shoulder.

"Hindi ko alam kung ano ng nangyari sa'yo at bigla kang umalis! You think it's fine driving when you're drunk?!"

"Sana'y nagpaalam ka nang maayos, Erin. And it's so late for you to go out but I'd rather drive for you just to make sure na hindi ka mapapahamak." pagalit na sambit ni papa.

Nakapamewang ito ngayon at kunot na kunot ang noo sa akin.

Mama pulled me by my arm angrily. "You're not even answering our calls! Hay nako, Erin! Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa'yo! Where did you go?!"

"Ma, lower your voice, please..." ani Ate Apple sa kalmadong boses. "Nakakahiya po sa kapitbahay..."

"Pumasok tayo sa loob, kung gano'n! I'm not gonna get calm just by looking at your pitiful face! Kung kailan patulog na lang, Erin doon ka pa talaga nagdala ng problema! Hanggang ngayon nanginginig pa rin ako sa pag-aalala ko sa'yo!" Mama spat before letting go of my arm carelessly.

Mabigat ang tunog ng kanyang mga hakbang paakyat sa hagdan ng aming bahay. It's so obvious that there is a commotion happening here because the dogs begun barking again.

"Huwag mo na itong uulitin pa, Erin. I don't know when you'll be able to remember that your mother has..." Papa shook his head in disappointment. "Masyado ka ng matanda para pataasin pa ang prisyon namin. Lalo na ang mama ninyo. You should be careful in making drastic movements, otherwise, I won't allow you to use our car again. O ang kahit sa ate mo."

"Pa..." Ate Apple called in a wary tone.

"Let's head upstairs." ani papa at nagpatiuna na.

"I'm sorry..." sabi ko.

It was almost one a.m. when my parents ended lecturing me about what I did. Ang tanging ginawa ko naman habang pinagagalitan at pinangangaralan ako ay ang manahimik, tumango, at humingi ng patawad. I'm already so, so drained from all the things that happened between Hope and I.

I feel like the time around me seems to go wrong. Hope confessed to me the first time, and I was still shocked and so I started calculating the pros and cons of it. He told me he loves me, and there goes me who was a coward for caging my feelings inside. He made efforts for me, showed me he loves me, really. But I was still a coward for neglecting him.

And when I was ready to tell him what I really feel, the time intended for me to say it was done. Hindi na nakalaan sa akin ang oras ngayon para sa bagay na iyon. I'm just too late.

And it freaking hurts, because maybe... the time isn't the wrong one, it was me, rather.

Ang dami ko kasing paligoy-ligoy. Lagi na lang.

"Ma, tama na. Let's all rest already. We all had a long day..." sabay haplos ni Ate Apple sa likod ni mama. "At least we know that she's safe..."

"Mabuti nga! Thank God, my goodness!" galit pa rin si mama at sinipat lang ako ng tingin.