written in the stars

chapter 28

I do not own the 100. I am just a fan writing fanfic.

Bellamy's P.O.V.

I slept by her side all night. I couldnt leave her. She was always in trouble, she kept getting hurt and I was never there. I felt like i couldn't do anything right. I wasnt there when she was attacked, i didn't stop her when she worked so hard she passed out and i wasn't there today. I closed my eyes again, i just wanted to ascape this. I pictured what our life would be like if things were normal, we would have a house. And maybe we could have a dog or something. Our kid would run arround and Clarke and I would watch from the porch. Clarke would draw the sunset and I'd read bedtime stories to my son/daughter. I wanted this, but it wasn't going to happen.

I was brought back to reality when Montey touched my shoulder. My eyes opened and my head shot up a bit, he sent me an apologetic look "sorry, to wake you. Octavia, Jasper, Harper and Miller are all outside. They want to know if she's okay." He said. I rubbed at my eyes, "Okay, I'll deal with it." I walked over to Raven and Lincoln who we standing by the wall talking. "Hey, is there an update?" I asked, not sure if I even wanted to know. Sometimes it was just better to dream. Raven looked at me, "Clarke is stable. The bleeding has stopped. We don't know what caused it to start or if there is any trauma to the baby."she said quietly. I nodded, dont think of the worst, Bell. Be positive, Clarke is okay. She is going to be fine, physically, emotionally I knew if she lost the baby she would be heartbroken.

I excused myself and I felt their eyes on me. As I walked out of the dropship their sadness clawed at me, i almost ran off the ramp. The cool air hit me and i closed my eyes. It was nice to feel something other than worry, the cold made me think of other things. I took a second, I just breathed the cold air in, I wasnt ready to come back to reality yet but a small voice ripped me away. "Bell?" I opened my eyes slowly, Octavia was at my side. Her eyes were large and red, she had been crying. I looked past her to Miller, Jasper, and Harper.

I took O into my arms pressing hdmer in a hug. "She will be okay, she will live." I said. I could hear my voice waver and I cursed silently, I couldn't do this now. I could think about this now. Octavia sniffled into my chest but pulled back to see my face. "Whats wrong Bellamy? What happened?" She asked stepping away like she didn't trust me. I closed my eyes. "She's going to be okay, she is going to live." I said again, loud enough for the others to hear me. I opened my eyes, they relaxed and smiled, they even hugged each other. She was going to live, she would but maybe my child wouldn't.

When Clarke had told me, it didn't really hit me until that night. I was going to be a father, i was going to have this little person who I loved and protected for the rest of my life. I had been so scared, now I felt overjoyed at the idea of holding them. I just wanted to hold them, i wanted to protect them.

The words kept playing over and over she was going to live, she would live. I looked at Octavia she was watching me, she wasnt celebrating, just watching me. She was watching me fall apart. You know in those movies, the ones I watched on the arch, when time slows down. Thats was happened, only it felt like it sped up at the same time. Before I knew it I was on the ground, on my knees bent over on my hands and knees. I saw Octavia start forward and Miller's face fall with worry but it was so slow. I started to cry. It wasn't crying though, it was like sobs that ripped their way out of my throat and tears blinded me. My chest was tight and I was struggling to breathe.

Octavia finally reached me as things sped back up, "Bell?! Bellamy?" She said. Jasper came running and fell on his knees. "Octavia, he is having a panic attack." He said. "You need to back up." He looked at ber trying to get her to listen. He looked me in the eyes, "Bellamy, you need to breath okay? Common. Someone get me a bag or something." He yelled. My head was swirling and I couldn't breathe. My child was dying and I couldnt stop it. I was useless.