To the Stars | Throne of Glass

43

Speechless. That's what she was, rocking her heels forwards and backwards as she sat, knees hugged to her chest, curled on the floor. A gentle knock sounded. It was like a drum in the empty silence of her head. 'Ben,' she croaked.

The door opened, and a familiar face appeared. 'Celaena.' He crossed the room in a few steps to where she sat in the corner of the room, and sank onto his heels as he tilted her chin to look him in the eyes.

'Did you do it?' she asked.

Ben didn't reply.

'Did you?' Celaena ripped his hand off her, and cried, 'You stupid bastard! Answer me!' And then she was crying, holding her head in her hands. She'd caused that death. Hunter was dead because of her.

Ben stroked her back gently, and murmured, 'It's okay.'

She snarled at him from behind her palms. 'How can you say that? How can you be so heartless?' As Ben reached for her again, she shoved him away from her as hard as she could.

Ben didn't stop her, and he fell backwards in surprise and hurt - but made no move to get back up. 'Celaena,' he said in a low tone, voice rushed, 'I have no part in this. I do not know what happened.'

'He knew,' she whispered. 'Hunter knew. And Arobynn must have- he- he must have-' she couldn't finish. But Ben was a comforting presence at her side. 'I don't know what to do, Ben,' she whispered. 'I am so tired.'

~

Celaena stood on the edge of the roof at the Keep, Ben watching her back a few feet away. She hadn't even gone to find Hunter again. What terrible person did that make her?

She hung her head, looking at the cobblestone street lining the bottom of the abyss yearning before her. She was so tired of pretending. She was so tired. But the burden of returning to the throne of a shattered kingdom...

It would be so simple. So, so simple. To step forwards, off this ledge. Her soul would become a bird. Free. She savoured the word. It would be so easy.

Celaena Sardothien took a deep breath and stepped away.

~

'Hello, Hunter,' she said to the corpse before her. He'll be moved to the catacombs beneath the Keep soon, Ben had said. Where all the others lie.

Celaena wrapped a hand round his stiff, cold, fingers. 'I'm sorry,' she whispered against his palm. He hadn't deserved it. 'I'm sorry,' she said again.

Water dropped off the stone walls, and her breathing echoed through the chamber. Celaena gingerly opened his mouth, taking care to avoid looking at the slit across his throat, and pressed a small, round stone under his tongue.

A reminder. Flowers wilted and died. Stones were eternal. Then she flipped up the collar of his tunic to cover his neck. Three scars slashed across his cheek, barely healed - she did that. 

All his weapons were already removed. She didn't touch his eyes. Closing them was pointless. So she whispered good hunting, and left the chamber.

~

Celaena sat silently beside Archer in the courtyard. When she'd approached him with none of her usual swagger, he'd known something was wrong. But... 'Are you okay?' Gods, she looked so old right now.

Celaena lifted dull eyes to meet his gaze, and nodded. She leaned a head onto his shoulder and Archer nearly jumped had it not been for the part of him that purred in satisfaction. 'I just need a bit of time,' she said to no one in particular.

Archer laced his fingers through hers. 'We have time.'

She gave a strange, bitter smile in return.