To the Stars | Throne of Glass

69

Arobynn stood slowly. Ben stood, too, and reached out a hand. Celaena jerked out of the way. 'Well? Do I leave this pile of shit on your lovely table and return to my cell or not?'

Arobynn seemed to have been rendered speechless. 'You-' He took a deep breath before continuing. 'Ben. Take Gregori and clean him up.'

She practically chucked a still-bleeding Gregori into Ben's arms, taking care not look at him. The hurt that flashed across his face wounded her more than any dagger ever would. But she refused to glance at his direction even as he brushed past and shut the door with a small click.

Arobynn rubbed his temples. Celaena demanded, 'Were you actually planning to leave me in there forever?' Though the monster had disappeared again, there was still a fire within her, and she clenched her fists hard as Arobynn replied, somewhat shocked, 'Who gave you that idea? You were to be released this evening.'

Celaena didn't meet his gaze. 'Gregori said-'

'You should not have trusted Gregori so easily. However, I do admire your skill. Gregori certainly looked... quite something.'

Celaena blinked. Trust Arobynn to congratulate her for torturing a partner! But before she had recovered, he asked, 'What else absurd lies did Gregori feed you?'

'Who knocked me unconscious?'

She still had to know. But Arobynn didn't answer. Celaena placed both bloodied hands on the wooden table, and glared at him with hard eyes. 'Answer. Me.'

Arobynn still didn't. Rage before sorrow. Celaena stalked round the table, head cocked to the side, a fire burning in her eyes. Arobynn took a step back as if-

As if he were frightened.

But surely, she must have imagined it, for a heartbeat later, they were nose to nose, Arobynn's silver eyes searing into her ragged soul. 'Well?' Celaena asked, struggling to keep the snarl from her face.

Arobynn loosened a breath. 'Ben.'

'And who decided that I was to be locked up again?' Celaena whispered, voice laced with a venom she had never dared to use with Arobynn before. Locked up - like a feral beast. Caged. Trapped.

'Ben,' Arobynn whispered again.

That was enough. 'You're lying.' A roar was beginning to build up, muffling all noise. 'You're lying,' she hissed, louder.

Arobynn still didn't reply.

Celaena raised a hand and slapped Arobynn across the cheek. 'You're all bastards,' she growled. That was all she had to say, really. Besides her family, her dead family, there was no one else she could trust.

She drew back her fist, and struck Arobynn's jaw. He didn't seem to have felt her.

Celaena even went as far to grab his chin, forcing him to look at her - a move that Arobynn usually had the pleasure of doing - and let him see the fury in her eyes.

He didn't flinch as he said, 'Attacking a courtesan, then your own master! Celaena, perhaps you do deserve to be locked up.'

The flames died from her eyes as she released her hold on him, staggering back.

'It's too much,' she said softly. Arobynn's face remained impassive. Of course it did. He didn't care. But Celaena couldn't stop now.

'It's too much. Arobynn, the pain I have to bear. You have no idea. It hurts. It hurts, so, so much.' Celaena leaned against the wall, drawing in deep breaths. It did nothing to help her. 'You hit me, you torture me, you beat me and lock me up like I'm the monster everyone calls me. You think it doesn't hurt me? There's holes and gaps and jagged twists inside me. Nothing you've ever done has healed them. You make my life worse. Everyone makes my life worse.

'It hurts, Arobynn,' she breathed.

'But I know that it's pointless,' she went on, more to herself than the man before her, 'to complain. You taught me as much. I need to bear the pain, don't I? Toughen up. So you don't see me breaking. But I am. I am fraying and collapsing and breaking. You do nothing to help me. Nothing.'

Celaena rose, and looked Arobynn in the eyes. 'Do you know-' She stopped.

'DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR ME?' She screamed this so abruptly that even Arobynn seemed to recoil. 'DO YOU KNOW HOW MISERABLE I AM? BUT YOU DON'T CARE, DO YOU? YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN. NO. ONE. DOES!'

Her voice cracked, and Celaena fell with it. A jarring impact shot up her knees as she collided with the floor. Hard, brutal, and unforgiving, just like everything else.

But for the first time in her life, Celaena saw a sadness in Arobynn's eyes as he gazed down at her. Raw emotion.

He knelt.

Her master knelt before her, and took her crimson-stained hands with his own. Clean. Undirty. 'I'm sorry, Celaena,' he whispered.

And she believed him. She had no other choice, anyway.

'I'm sorry for all of it. But, you see, our paths are inevitable. You cannot escape them. I am sorry for the burden you are forced to endure, even now. When I first saw you that night, half-frozen and blue from the cold, I was horrified. And when I learnt who you were, saw the weight and responsibilities you bore at such a young age, all the pain and loss you had been through... I-' Arobynn broke off.

'I don't-' He murmured, 'It- It broke my heart.'

A confession.

Whether he was lying or not, Celaena believed every word in the moment. Her heart gave a funny jolt. His words travelled to her very centre, rushing round her broken core, patching, fixing. Mending. No, not mending. But it was a brace.

Celaena wrapped her arms around Arobynn's neck, and leaned into his shoulder as if would somehow help, tears slowly filling her eyes. 'Arobynn,' she whispered. Celaena sobbed into his chest, and he held her there, the golden light of his words patching the pieces of her heart. 'Arobynn,' she whispered again. He held her tighter to his body, and Celaena clenched his harder, as if afraid to let go.

All her sorrow, all her pain rushed out as Celaena wept. Tears fell, one after the other, staining Arobynn's midnight-blue tunic. But she didn't let go. Didn't dare to.

After a while, the tears subsided. With such a gentle movement, Arobynn had eased her into his arms. Celaena didn't protest, and lay there mutely, staring at nothing with her arms wrapped round his neck still. 'Let's get you cleaned up,' he murmured to Celaena.