To the Stars | Throne of Glass

71

It wasn't Arobynn who woke her the next morning. Even if he had planned to, someone else had got there first.

Ben.

For a moment, she just stared at the figure seated on the edge of the bed. Then he spoke. Well, tried to. 'How-'

'Shut up,' she said, though not in the way she would've liked. Her voice was croaky and sore from sleep, and she rubbed at her throat before continuing. The words, though, landed their desired effect.

Ben flinched visibly. 'Celaena, why-'

'I'll ask the questions first.'

Ben nodded eventually.

'Who knocked me unconscious.'

His swallow was visible in the dim light. But he didn't reply.

'I'm tired of this,' Celaena sighed. 'Don't play secretive. Just answer the damn thing.'

Ben clenched his fists. 'I did.'

'Who ordered me to be brought back to the cell?'

He didn't hesitate as he replied, 'Arobynn.'

'But you didn't protest, did you? You were the one who left me there.'

He didn't deny it. Celaena slammed a fist into the pillow, and she felt the headboard through the feathered cushion. 'I want you to tell me truthfully what happened. Ben, I trusted you. And if I find out from another that you have lied, I will not hesitate to gut you. I don't care if you're Arobynn's damn Second. I don't care if you were ever my friend. Just tell me.'

Ben's voice wavered slightly as he said, 'I knocked you unconscious. West and I originally brought you up to check your state. Arobynn ordered you stay there for another day, and you were to be released this evening. I left my cloak for you. When Gregori heard of your state, he volunteered to pass on a message from Arobynn, and, undoubtedly, taunt you. Now, I don't know what you were told exactly, but Gregori and Arobynn haven't been exactly truthful. I do not lie, and I swear on my life I am not lying. Kill me here, if you must. I have nothing but your trust to lose anyway.'

Ben's throat bobbed as he said, 'But I seem to have lost that already.' He lay a dagger on the bed, but Celaena didn't move. Didn't touch it.

A long silence passed.

It droned on for so long that Ben reached out to brush her hand. Celaena didn't move.

Ben stroked the back of her hand with a thumb.

'Lies.'

Celaena said this so suddenly that Ben froze.

'It's all lies.' Celaena didn't deign to say any more - opening up was utterly useless, feelings were a hindrance; maybe it was best to be kept in the dark.

Lies.

'Celaena-'

'I do not mean you, Ben. I am sorry for treating you like I did. I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for believing you had betrayed my trust. I was gullible and allowed Gregori to break me. I am sorry for all of it.'

Arobynn's words, warped into her own. I am sorry for all of it.

Apologies. Lies. Truths. Everything was beginning to blend into one another. Nothing made sense anymore.

Ben sighed in what seemed like relief. 'Thank you.' Celaena smiled at him, a dull, weary smile. 'Trust only Arobynn and I. Celaena, in this world, lies and truths are weapons. They can be wielded with an expert hand; you need to be careful. You need to decide who you are to trust.'

Celaena gripped his hand back. 'I know, Ben. There are shadows and darkness everywhere. This world is full of it. But I choose to trust you, and you only.'

Ben loosened a breath. 'Adarlan makes you grow too quickly. You're too mature.'

Celaena felt it too. And she didn't like it. But that was life in Adarlan.

Ben attempted a smile, and stood. 'How about we lighten the mood with a little breakfast? Here or in the hall?'

Celaena's stomach growled in appreciation. She hadn't eaten properly for more than a day. 'Here.' She was also not quite ready to face such a big company, either.

Ben kissed the top of her head and ruffled her hair - the gesture filling the longing for that missing comfort. 'I won't be too long.'

~

Arobynn Hamel walked in a while later. He made no move to touch her, and seated himself on the end of the bed. 'How are you feeling?'

'Better.' Not really. Just about.

'Good. Celaena, if you ever need to speak to me, just find me. I hope I'll see you in the training hall soon.' He did touch her, then, brushing his knuckles against her cheekbone before leaving. Affection was something that did not come easily to him, it seemed. But Celaena stopped him with a brief smile, tinged with the exhaustion of someone bearing the world on their shoulders, and said, 'Thank you - for yesterday.'

Arobynn offered her a returning smile, one that was deliberately softened for her. 'Everyone needs some love. Good morning.'

Everyone needs some love. At that, Celaena really smiled, a real, quiet smile. Lies and shadows aside, it felt good.

~

Sat beside Ben on the bed, back leaning against the headboard, Celaena picked at the mushrooms idly on her plate. 'Not hungry?' Ben asked.

She'd eaten the bacon and the slice of bread already, but the food didn't fill her stomach as she hoped. She stabbed the fork through a mushroom, and placed her lips against the piece, though making no attempt to swallow it. 'Don't force yourself,' Ben said.

So Celaena put the utensil down, setting her plate on the beside table. Ben didn't bring anything up for himself, so he simply placed his hands atop the covers. 'Whose clothes am I wearing?' she asked suddenly.

Ben laughed softly. 'Mine. When I was fourteen.'

'Fourteen?'

He nodded, amusement dancing in his eyes. 'And you're thirteen. You would've thought I should have filled out by then. I was actually rather gangly, long limbs and all.'

Celaena laughed. It felt good. 'You, thin?'

'I knew you wouldn't believe me. But I was teased quite a bit for it by the neighbourhood boys. Arobynn stood up for me quite a lot. So I trained, and built up on muscle. Finally, not a year later, I was one of the strongest and fastest boys there. I took the liberty of teaching them a lesson myself.'

Celaena was sorry for Ben, and glad he went back to beat them up. 'Good.' She suddenly recalled when she'd set Aedion on Dorian, that lady-like Prince. That was funny. But it hurt to remember it now. So she quickly changed the subject, throwing them down an entirely different path.

'Where am I?'

Ben raised a brow, cocking his head. 'Why, Celaena. These are Arobynn's quarters.'