To the Stars | Throne of Glass

82

Ben found Celaena in her room, pacing up and down the length of it, wringing her wrists. He pushed the door shut, crossing the room in a few steps and grabbed her arms. 'Stop. Stop, Celaena,' he said. Lifting her hands, he saw that she'd wrung her wrists so hard that they were red hot.

She looked at him, and there was only agony in her eyes.

'Why do they do that?' she said, desperation and a hint of hysteria tinging her tone.

He said nothing.

'Slaves, Ben,' Celaena moaned, dragging her hands away and down her face. 'It's so cruel.'

Sun rays cast onto the panes of her sharp cheekbones, illuminating them with a radiant beauty, opposing the soft light of the moon.

But she covered her face with her palms, sinking down onto the floor, groaning.

He didn't know what to do as streams of almost incomprehensible, rapid muttering began to flow from her lips, muffled slightly by her sleeves. 'Cruelcruelcruel-'

She was Adarlan's Assassin. She was mature and brutal and strong and yet she was still a child - a child who had been forced to see, to do, to hear such horrible things. He didn't like it either - it was unfair.

It was cruel.

Ben crept towards her form as she rocked back and forth on her heels, and reached out an arm. She withdrew, snatching away.

'Unfaircruelhatehimhatehimnonono-'

Broken. No - not broken. But fragile and near-shattered. 'Celaena,' he whispered.

He touched her arm and she scrambled away, now scrabbling at the wall. 'No!' She was shrieking now. 'Get away!'

He had a feeling this wasn't to do with the slaves anymore - no - something much, much worse.

Flashbacks. That night... scenes that she had described to him so vividly began to race through his mind.

'NononononononohgodsohgodsNO!'

Her voice was shrill and sharp, and pierced his heart. He couldn't see her face, but he had a feeling there were tears dripping down her cheeks, off her chin. 'Celaena,' he cried in a whisper. 'Celaena, come back-'

She wept harder, the sobs audible to him now. Ben felt himself cracking, heart melting in sorrow - for she would not like pity, but - sorrow.

So he shoved away her arms firmly, tightening his grip on her shoulders. Ben didn't like using violence much - especially with Celaena - but he had to; grabbed her shoulders and dug in his nails, crushing her back to the wall. 'Celaena!' he barked, cuffing the side of her head.

She stopped instantly, and Ben was afraid he'd done something terribly, terribly wrong.

Heartbeats passed by full of pure silence - he couldn't even hear himself breathing.

And then Celaena sighed.

Ben loosened his grip and instantly gathered her into his arms, nearly sobbing in relief himself. He knelt on his knees, clutching Celaena. She was not a babe, but-

'Thank you.' Her voice was rough. 'You brought me... out.'

Ben pressed his lips to her forehead and she slowly, tentatively, wrapped her arms round his neck.

'Why do they do it?' she whispered as she finally drew away and looked up into his eyes. 'Why?'

He wished he didn't know the answer. 'Money,' he said. 'It's a sick way, but people are cruel. To mock lesser beings, to hurt them - it's horrible. In the camps...' He tried again. 'It's awful. Humans are selfish creatures who always want more.'

Celaena placed two fingers to his lips. 'Enough.'

She'd seen enough; heard enough. 'But when you say hurt... we hurt people too,' she mumbled.

'Sla- those people taken into the Labour Camps are innocent. Our targets are not. They may very well be the kind who indulge themselves with such twisted ways.'

Celaena didn't remove her fingers, and began tapping them against his lips gently - then tracing an invisible route to his cheek, where she stroked it tenderly.

He tried not to lean too far into her caress and opened his mouth, but she hushed him.

'I wish the world was a better place. I wish I had the power to change it. But,' she gave a sad sort of smile and said, 'wishing is useless, isn't it? The Gods don't listen, and Fate seems to make us follow an entirely different path.'

'You can try,' he murmured. 'You can go back-'

She was suddenly a full sword's length away, baring her teeth at him.

Oh, no.

He tried to say, 'I-'

One flash of her teeth and the cold rage in her eyes had him silent again. 'No, Ben. I've given up her. I am Celaena. And,' her voice dropped to a low, menacing twist, 'don't you think I've given up enough already?'

He swallowed as she took out a dagger, brandishing it at the space before her. Her voice rose with an alarming speed, the ice and ire in her eyes with it.

'Call me selfish. Call me a coward. But I've had enough. ENOUGH,' she hissed. 'I've had everything taken away.'

'My parents are DEAD, Ben!' she screamed. Celaena cut off abruptly and clutched her head, panting.

Then she said the words that made his heart plummet.

'You're not my real family - no matter how hard you try.'

The temperature seemed to drop and freeze everything, leaving him feeling colder than ice.

'I miss them,' Celaena continued, the words coming faster, in short breaths now.

Every word she said tore him apart further. Did she not know when to stop? Rage, blinding rage hit, so staggeringly overwhelming - followed by a roaring in his ears. Quiet yet so loud. Frost spread through his veins, spreading, spreading...

'And you aren't Evalin or Rhoe or Orlon or Aedion. You're not really- you're not really-'

'Family,' Ben whispered.

He was stupid and naïve and childish in that moment. But tears welled in his eyes, blurring his vision. His heart seemed to have sunken, and shattered to smithereens as Celaena hurled dagger after dagger of verbal hurt at him. It was a pain that left him gasping for air, knelt on the floor.

Everything was collapsing around him.

He could see a dark figure with golden hair hurtling for him through his blurred vision, crying something-

Focus.

The tears dripped away, clearing his sight enough to see Celaena with an equally tear-streaked face, on her hands and knees, crawling towards him. She struggled to her feet.

'I'm sorry,' she was pleading. 'I'm so, so, so sorry. It- it hurt and- SHIT. Ben.'

He looked at her blankly.

'SHITBENLISTEN-'

He stared at her vaguely, not seeing, not listening properly. Like cobwebs, he brushed her off him. Shoved, harder than necessary so she stumbled and fell to the ground.

Like a bastard, he stood and sneered at her.

Then he stalked out of the room.

Leaving Celaena sobbing on the floor.