TXT REACTIONS

Hear me out please

I know this isn't txt related and I'll try to avoid doing this in the future but I really need to vent right now.

My dad is the only one who can make me think I'm beautiful, but at the same time he makes me feel so incredibly insecure.

He wants me to be a certain weight and is constantly telling me to weigh myself to see if I've gained or lost anything.

If I lost anything he's happy, but  if  I gain he's hinting at it like  wants me to lose it.

What hurt me the most is that after a battle of finding what my definition of beautiful is, I finally found it and have been perfectly happy with how I looked.

But every time I feel happy and finally start really love myself, he makes me feel like something isn't right.

That's exactly what he did to me today. It's so
to the point where I've been wearing sweat pants and oversized hoodies so I can cover my figure.

Yes it's true that I'm a bit overly developed doe my age, but that's no excuse to comment on it or point it out.

I've always had thick thighs, big hips and a small waist. However that's not something I can control, especially since I'm a growing child.

But my dad always confuses and hurts me. One day he's calling me beautiful and the next day he's wanting me to lose weight on my thighs.

Which I'm Extremely insecure about.

I finally stopped trying to constantly to change myself and decided that I'm way to young to be going on diets and living this depressing life style where I'm paranoid about how I look.

But just a few minutes ago, I walked into his office and the first thing he did was look at my thighs and say..

"Have you been regressing? Have you been putting weight back on instead of losing it?".

I swear my heart shattered in my chest and dropped to my stomach at that moment.

I told him that I shouldn't be obsessed with my weight at my age and that I don't like when he points out stuff about my body like that.

All he said was: "you're not that fragile" and he sent me out of his office.

Although I may be mature and stronger than most people age, I think he sometimes forgets that I'm a still a girl. A young one at that too.

Just because Im mature, it doesn't make me any less of a child with feelings.

I still cry If I get hurt and still get effected by uncalled for comments.

And now here I am crying.

At this point I wanna just lose a shit ton of
Weight to just make him stop.

I'm ashamed and embarrassed because I was taking about self love so passionately just a few days ago and told everyone to avoid doing what I'm debating on doing.

It looks extremely Hypocritical and it's like I'm contradicting myself.

In fact, I am right now.

But I can't think of any other way to make him stop.

What should I do?