♤The Ace of Spades♤

Ending it All

I was lost now. So lost that I couldn't even find myself. My whole body felt cold and numb and the grey things I once saw were as black as the night sky. No one wanted to speak to me nor did I want to speak to them either. My lips were as cold as ice everyday and it seemed as if my lip gloss would frost. Today marks the fifth day of me not going to school and I felt that I wouldn't go back any day soon. I would feel the pain in my heart that over took me. Took over my stomach and robbed me of all the positive emotions that I had ever had. I needed someone. Anyone to hold me and tell me that this was all a dream. I wanted someone to wake me up from this fucking nightmare I was living in. I just wanted...love.

Then that day came when one hot morning passed by and I could feel my sheets drenched in sweat. It always got fucking hot here and when it got hot here I got bitchy. All I wanted to do is find a razor and slit my wrist, maybe then I could escape this pain. Maybe it wouldn't be so hot. My cheeks were crusted over with tears and I hadn't bathed for days. Depression was like a deadly disease that was slowly taking over my body. I was having these thoughts. Thoughts that flooded my mind. I could see me, lying in a casket dead, and then I look over to see that people are crying their eyes out. Do they really miss me that much? Then I skip a vision to see me, shakily holding a pair of scissors and tears are filling my eyes. I want to do it. I feel it build up in my stomach and a little voice is telling me to do it. I want to...I really do. I want to end this pain and misery and the feeling of being alone. I bring the scissors to my wrist and shakily slice through the veins. I see the blood drip down my hand. I don't feel anything. Nothing at all. I close my eyes trying envision the good things. I see me with a good lover that doesn't treat me like shit and I see me with kids. Something I could never have imagined. I open my eyes again and see a glare from my tears. I see that there is a puddle forming on the ground. No one can save me now, for I am dying. Slowly...I am leaving the pain and sadness that I always wanted to go. I hope that where I go I will finally see the guy of my dreams and actualy watch him. I hope that my mother will be there as well. I grow weak, my heartbeat slowing, death....swallowing me...and then...I fade away....

DJ: So this chapter is probably really depressing but not every story can be sweet right? Maybe the next Chapter. And for PrincessTigerLillyxx I hope you have a wonderful birthday <3 Happy Birthday