Flashed Golden Photographs (Sunset Avenues #1)

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Essence

Naririnig ko ang huni ng alon na tumatama sa dalampasigan. Napayakap ako sa mga braso ko. The coldness of crushing waves tried to embrace my soul. It was an escape, trying to escape guilt. Questions kept running inside my head. All of these..they are confusions.

It felt like I shouldn't be happy. I don't have the right to be happy when all I'm trying to inflict to everyone is mere pain. I was a heartache waiting to happen. Isang bagay na madali lang sukuan at bitiwan dahil miski ako..sukong-suko sa sarili ko. Sinisisi ang sarili sa pananaw na meron ako.

But can they blame me? If I can't force myself to these things? That I couldn't just get myself to happiness and gratitude? Dahil kusa iyong nararamdaman..hindi pinipilit ang kasiyahan.

Pasikat na ang haring araw. The rays of the sun burning my shallow mind but still at the end of the day, my eagerness to concrete things in life wouldn't fade. I'd feel that slight guilt, trying to build in me the sacrifices my parents made but I didn't learn. Even just a little bit. Babalik pa rin ako sa kagustuhang 'sana higit pa rito.'

Their eyes are my prison. I could see all through them the pain, tiredness and bravery. At iyon ang palagi kong iniiwasan, ang titigan sila sa mata. From that, mapapatunayan ko lang sa sarili ko kung gaano ako kasama.

If you can't be contented with the life you currently have, is that already a bad thing? Is that, alone, makes you a bad person? When everything is so messed up, I only want to lend my ears to someone who wouldn't shut his mouth even when the world ends.

"Ano, Samsam? Ba't ka tahimik? Aga pa ah? Balik ka na roon!"

Ginamit ko iyong phone niya kagabi para ichat siya. Sleep disturbance as it may sound, I think it is a must to have someone whom you can call at the middle of the night, and you'd exchange thoughts about life. That's quite physically unhealthy but for messed up people, it is not.

Para sa'kin, hahayaan ko na lang na magsalita sa tabi ko iyong tao. If I have a problem, I'd only ask for someone's presence.. his presence. That alone comforts me. Maramdaman lang na kahit konti, may nandiyan para sa'kin. At kahit gaano ako kagulong tao, may iisa pa ring nilalang sa mundo na kaya akong damayan.

"Sagot mo breakfast ko ah?" sambit niya at umupo sa tabi ko.

Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang nag-iisang kaibigan ko. His smile is morning sunshine. It regenerates everything. He's a restart button I wanted to keep forever in my system. My best friend, Archi.

"Para namang labag sa loob mo na puntahan ako ah?"

His lips tugged into a smirk tapos pinitik niya ang noo ko. He usually get complains from me but this is not a usual day. It was one of those days when I feel like no one was really there for me. That I must endure it all and I don't have the right to complain because I make my own mistakes.

"May problema ka ano?"

I pursed my lips and said nothing. One of my weaknesses that I wanted to get rid of is this, when my mouth couldn't speak for it, my eyes do.

"Sus, may problema ka. Alam mo iyang problemang iyan, Samsam, lilipas din iyan eh. Mas masama iyong hahayaan mo na lang na sirain ng problemang iyan ang trenta minutos ng buhay mo."

Nagpagpag siya ng shorts. He's wearing a jersey shirt with his favourite soccer player's name at the back. Inilahad niya ang kan'yang palad. By the help of the morning sunlight, his breathtaking visuals engulfed my eyes. It was as if everything about him is beauty and perfection.

The color of his eyes, his perfect face outshined the sunlight.

He's that gorgeous at eighteen years old, what more after a year or so?