One Great Love (COMPLETED)

41: Glass of Heart

• Book Three •

ANDRES

Madilim. Wala akong ibang makita kung hindi dilim. Wala akong makita.

Wala akong maramdaman.

Kung nakalabas lamang ang puso, masisilayan ng lahat kung paano itong nagbunga ng luha at umiiyak. Napapalibutan ng mga nakatarak na kutsilyo habang nagdurugo. Hanggang sa wala na itong maramdaman.

It was just an hour after the sun has set. On the grey-skied night, I found myself mindlessly walking to a place I don't usually visit. People were walking past me as I enter the premises.

I climbed on the little marble steps and stood in front of an open double-doors. People were still inside, seated, and for some, were kneeling. The lights were all dimmed giving the solemn atmosphere except for the altar. I have my eyes planted to the far front. Slowly, my eyes lift.

The lights glow from the roof of the dome as a spotlight centers at Him.

I knelt in one of the pews. Heaved a deep sigh, clasped my hands, and gathered my thoughts.

"Hanggang kailan po ba ako masasaktan?" My eyes are starting to fill up. "Kasi pagod na po ako. Pagod na pagod na po ako."

"Wala po sa bokabularyo ko ang pagsuko. Pero bakit ngayon wala na akong ibang maisip gawin kung hindi ang sumuko na lang? Tanggap ko naman pong malapit na ako sa finish line," It was my mind only speaking but I could hear my voice breaking. "Paaabutin ko pa po ba?"

"Kaya ko pa po ba?" I, too, asked myself. "Kaya ko pa ba?"

I woke up feeling quite lighter than the previous days. The smell of the currently frying bacons and freshly cooked sinangag lingered up to my room. Iyon pa lang, pinilit kong bumangon upang makakain na.

The new day is normal. Or is it trying to be one? Plates were already placed on the table. The plate of the oily bacon strips and slices of luncheon meat were being brought by Aling Pacing who placed it on the dining table.

Ningning, who came from the bathroom, greeted me in jest.

"Good morning, Kuya AJ!" She stood beside Aling Pacing. "Kain ka na po!" She walked to the table and sat beside where I usually seat.

I gently smiled before sitting. I grabbed my utensils and had two scoops of rice and three strips of bacon. Inilapag din ni Aling Pacing ang kape na aking ipinapatimpla tuwing umaga.

"Salamat ho,"

Lolo Jose gets into the dining hall from upstairs. He already had his newspaper that was placed on the coffee table on the salas. Ningning greeted, and so did I.

"Kumusta ang tulog mo, apo?" Aling Pacing immediately gave Lolo Jose his morning coffee. Ibinulatlat niya ang dyaryo sa seksyon na madalas niyang basahin.

"Masarap na po, 'Lo," Hinati ko ang bacon. "Nakakatulog na ng matino."

For the past nights, nahihirapan akong matulog. Kinain ako ng anxiety. I was scared to sleep that I might not wake up the night day. Or if I wake up, will it be the same?

"Napagdesisyunan mo na ba 'yung suhestyon ko sa'yo?" He took a glance at me.

The day after that rainy afternoon, Lolo Jose wanted me to quit work. He said I'm stressed that I may not focus on my job. Masyado na daw akong madaming pinagdadaanan.

"Opo," I answered while food still inside my mouth. "Papasok na po ako sa Monday."

He paused for a while and nodded. "Hindi na ako nagtaka. Alam kong kaya mo."