Under His Hoodie

Chapter 50

My mind was in chaos, and my heart was in actual outburst. Everything went too fast. I couldn't hold a single touch from everything. Pero ngayon na mas pinili ko ang maging matapang, nabunutan ako ng tinik sa puso ko. Tinik na ilang taong nakabara sa 'kin. Tinik na akala ko'y hindi na mawawala o maalis sa 'kin.

I had this vision of everything. Ngunit hindi dumaan sa aking isipan na mangyayari ang lahat ng ito, nang ganito kabilis. It was difficult for me. I carried these stumbling blocks all in my shoulders. Ngunit sa isang ihip lamang ng hangin ay parang manibelang umikot ang zlahat.

My grasp from my phone was a bit off that I thought it would slip off anytime. I was shaking with both happiness and fear. Happy because finally, sinabi ko na ang totoo. Fear because I'm afraid of what our son would react to all of this. Hindi ko pinagdududahan ang paraan kung paano ko pinalaki ang anak namin ngunit alam ko sa sarili ko na may mga pagkukulang din ako bilang magulang. Hindi ako perpekto. But I knew our son well. I just couldn't help to feel that way.

The phone rings. Ilang ring pa ay sinagot na ito ni Manang Rosalinda.

"Oh, napatawag ka, hija?"

I inhaled a large amount of breath. Nilingon ko si Nazareth na pababa ng hagdan mula sa loob ng kaniyang kotse. He told me to go inside the car first. Then he went upstairs.

"M-Manang, si Nazareth..."

Manang went silent. Rinig ko ang paghinga nito sa kabilang linya.

"M-Manang..."

Manang didn't answer for a while. Naluluha na naman ako.

"Nasa kabilang kwarto ang anak niyo, hija. Hihintayin ko kayo," she answered. Her voice sounded happy.

I was glad that Manang understood it immediately.

"Salamat, Manang..."

Rinig ko ang pagsinghot nito sa kabilang linya. I smiled as my tears went on the side of my eyes.

"Masaya ako para sainyo, Hija. Masayang masaya," she said.

Tahimik lamang ang naging biyahe namin ni, Nazareth. The deafening silence was outweighing between us, and I couldn't blame him. He's not cold, tho. He looked happy. Ngunit halata rito na nasa malalim siyang pagi-isip.

We didn't stopover. Pakiramdam naming dalawa ay may hinahabol kaming panahon. Panahon na nasayang na kailangan punan. Hindi man namin aminin sa isa't isa pero alam namin sa sarili namin na we couldn't bare another second without our son.

Mahigpit ang kapit ko sa sariling kamay. Rinig din ang mababa kong paghinga. Nilingon ako ni Nazareth. The side of his lips rose. He roared deep chuckles, which made my brows met. How can he be so calm?!

"Relax, love. It's our son," he said with so much solace.

He withdrew his other hand that was gripped tightly on the steering wheel. He reached for my trembling hands. Hinaplos niya ang kamay ko habang ang mata'y nakatuon sa harapan. He was smiling the whole time. Naiwang nakaawang ang labi ko habang pinapanood siya.

Nilingon niya ako sandali. "You, okay?"

"I'm not."

Humalakhak siya at muling tinuon ang mata sa harapan.

"Mukha nga." He laughed. "I should be the one who should be nervous, love."

"Naz, natatakot ako. I lied to our son the whole time. Do you think he will accept me? Us?" I asked, my mind clouded with my son's possible reaction.

He took a glance from me before stopping the car. Iginilid niya ito sa kalsada. After that, agad hinanap ng kaniyang mata ang paningin ko.

"Kahit hindi ko nakita ang paglaki niya, alam kong pinalaki mo siya nang tama," he said. "I never doubted your love for our child, just like how I never doubted your love for me."