Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

Things get confusing

Jays POV
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"Don't worry, we can break up in a week no one will care" Jessie winked and pushed me towards Matthew. "Um hi" I whispered. You could see the panic in Matthew's eyes. He was frantically searching for an escape. I hated that every time I was near he looked scared and in pain. It broke me. "Jay look, I would rather just avoid each other. What do you even get from hurting me. I'm just trying to be true to myself, being gay isn't a crime it's just how I am. I shouldn't be scared or sorry for that. Every time you come near I know either a hate comment or a punch is coming my way' Tears stung his eyes but he kept it in. I just stood there speechless. How I made him feel made me feel sick, all I ever wanted to do was kiss him whenever he's near. It's not his fault my internalised homophobia gets the best of me. After all I put him through I could never just day I liked him, it wouldn't be fair to him. He could obviously tell I was lost of words. "Look, I don't know whether what happened the other day was because you were saving me or you only stopped because Jessie said for you to. I know you guys are dating and she's my best friend so I guess we have to get used to being near each other. Let's just keep our talking to the minimum and we can just cope." Matthew said. My gut sunk. He must of overheard our conversation and thought we were actually together. I could almost cry, he looked so sad. Why would he look sad. After everything I said there is no way he could like me right? I looked deeply into his eyes and put my hand on his shoulder. "Listen, the other day when I saw those guys about to beat you up I got so angry. My feelings took over and I had help you. I only pretended I was going to beat you up so they would leave. Seeing you shaking and crying and thinking I was about to hit you. It made me feel horrible. That's why I ran away I knew I messed up." I didn't mean to say all that. It just slipped out. He's going to think I like him or something. "I knew I messed up by not letting them beat a little fag like you" I slammed my fist against the locker. I didn't want to say shit like this to him but I can't let him know how I feel. I'll only hurt him more. "Jay I-" Matthew looked confused but I cut him off. "Just stay away from me ok" I muttered before storming off into the bathroom. I just locked myself in the stool and cried. Thinking about how much it hurt me to say all that and how much it must of hurt him to hear all that. I have so many emotions running around in my head and I can't cope. I need someone to talk to, someone who will listen. I need Matthew.
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Matthews POV
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I felt my heart sink. I was so overwhelmed. Jay had just said something so nice and made me feel so happy for him to just tear me down again. The thing is it felt like he was telling the truth. That it hurt him to see me scared and in danger. Then again why would it, he's the one I'm scared of most of all. When we kissed it felt like heaven. For some reason it just felt right, like our lips were made to kiss each other. Even after the game when we made out it felt like the world had stopped and that we could do anything as long as we were together. Just for him to push me away. When we kiss it feels like he cares for me. We have this tension like we  have known each other for so long but only have just realised we were meant to be. I can't believe after all of the humiliation and torture he puts me through I still like him. When he stormed off I saw him wipe his eyes. I'm so confused how one person can make me feel so happy and seem like he cares but at the same to be so hateful and make me feel like I should just die. That's it I can't take it. I walked up to the bathroom door pausing before opening it. I made sure not to make a sound. All of the stalls were empty except one. The one Jay had to be in. I could hear sniffing and crying leading up to one big scream as he smashed his fist against the stall walls. He was in so much pain, I knew how he felt. I just pressed my hand against the door wondering if I should go in. All I wanted was to break down the door and hug him. My thoughts were interrupted by the bell. Jay usually doesn't care about skipping classes but for some reason he decided to go. As he opened the stall door I jumped into the next one locking myself in. My heart was racing, he couldn't know I was here. "Hey dude, I don't know who you are but I wasn't crying just then. I was you know pooping, not like anything's going on ok" he awkwardly laughed. It was only when the bathroom door closed behind Jay that I realised I had been holding my breath. I was in the same class as him this period and I couldn't face him. So I just pulled down the toilet seat and sat there. Thinking about Jay and how I wanted nothing more than to be with him but that would never happen.
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Jay's POV
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I shut the bathroom door. I can't believe some guy just heard me crying. I have such a distinct voice they probably knew it was me. It didn't matter though because I had bigger issues to worry about. I think going to class will take my mind off of everything and make the day go quicker so I can go home. As I walked into the class I noticed that Matthew wasn't in his seat. It was odd because he was closer to the class then me so he should be here first. I ended up spending the entire lesson staring at the door, waiting for Matthew to walk in but he never came. What I said must of just been to much. He's probably gone to the toilets... wait a second. No. He couldn't be the guy that was in there. Shit if he heard me crying he will think somethings up. Jessie, Nick and Andrew waved me over interrupting my thoughts. "Hey guys" I said automatically kissing Jessie on the cheek to make our relationship more believable. "Oh yea, you guys are together I almost forgot" Nick said rolling his eyes. I can't believe I forgot that Nick still likes her. He probably thinks I'm such a shitty friend right now. Well since I'm closer with Jessie soon I can help them get together because I can sense that Jessie likes him too. "Uh yea we are" Jessie said playfully punching my arm. I smiled. Even though I no longer had a crush on her, I still really liked her as a friend. She felt like my friend soulmate. Someone that will always be there for me and I loved that. "So I was thinking we should have a small sleepover tonight, you know it might be fun and my parents are going to be out of town all week so we will have the house to ourselves." Andrew said whilst looking at us for our opinions. "Yea that would be so fun Andrew" I said. You know a sleepover would be a good distraction from Matthew. "I'm in but only if Matthew comes" Jessie said looking me dead in the eyes. Great. Just great. I know she thinks she's helping but now I have to sleep in a room with Matthew knowing he hates my guts. I guess I could try fix things, unless I make it all worse.
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Matthews POV
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Finally the the last bell rings and it get to go home. Jessie walks my way waving. She has such a nice warming smile that just makes you feel safe. All I wanted to do was tell her about Jay and how I felt but they are dating and I can't loose her because of that. "What are you doing tonight" Jessie asks as we walk down the halls. "Omg please tell me we are having a sleepover because I need one right now" I say hoping she says yes. "Actually yes but it's at Andrews, you don't mind do you?" She searches my eyes for a yes. I mean Jay will be there and I can't bare that right now but I can't say no after basically begging to have a sleepover. "Yea I don't mind" I said so unconvincingly. I guess I'm going. Jay will be there and I will have to see the torture of him and Jessie together as I wish it was me instead.