Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

Stronger Cravings

Jays pov
___________________________________

All I could hear was a shrilling noise. My head felt foggy and a serious migraine was coming on I could already tell. I rubbed my eyes before grabbing my phone, it was Matthew. Quickly I declined the call as I saw the 50 missed calls and thousands of texts. Shit. My plan was to come back before he woke up and noticed I was even gone but it was now 1:00 pm and I had therapy today. The time was unclear when we discussed it but it was probably very soon. Without thinking I jumped up and immediately fell to the ground in a dizzy hot mess. Everything was dark and blurry. I haven't had a hangover for a really long time, probably because I never fully sobered up.

The feeling was horrible and almost made me regret drinking last night. God I wish I regretted drinking and never did it again but that was unrealistic. It was one of the only things keeping me strong at this point. My body craved that sweet release it felt when alcohol or pain killers entered my system. I didn't realise how hard it would of been to stay sober since it was basically a compulsion at this point. However it was really hard and it started to invade my every day thoughts.

Whilst getting up to leave I quickly grabbed a water bottle and filled it to the brim with vodka. I seriously couldn't come back to this house again incase I got caught but needed a little pick me up to get through for a while. After screwing on the lid, I sprinted to Nick's house. It took a good 30 minutes to walk there so I was hoping I could make it in 15 if I ran. Every fibre of my being was telling me to sit down and stop as I was riddled with nauseous. Unfortunately I had to keep going so I wasn't late to therapy. Most things were a blur during that run but eventually I made it to the door. It slammed behind me as I entered the house out of breath. When I looked up I could see everyone staring at me. They clearly were worried and asking around to see if anyone had spotted me. I placed the vodka filled water bottle behind my back so they couldn't see it.

"Hey everyone..." I smiled awkwardly at the eyes burning a hole into me.

"Where have you been, we were worried?" Diane asked.

"I called you practically a thousand times!" Matthew exclaimed whilst shaking his phone for proof.

"I got up early to... watch the sunset." I said trying to reassure them.

They all gave me a confused look and raised an eyebrow. Yes it was kind of hard to believe I would do that but I guess they bought it. It was probably therapeutic or some crap so they let me off the hook. Honestly I wouldn't of usually cared if they knew but after everything they have done for me. I couldn't disappoint them like that. Especially since Matthew and Jessie get annoyed and upset when I drink. This was something that I had to keep to myself. It was for the best.

Diane and I were driving to my therapy session, she was playing some quiet music. I couldn't tell what it was but it slightly calmed my nerves. My body was trembling and I couldn't stop fidgeting in my seat. I'm sure she has seen her fair share of people with hangovers and I was scared she would smell it on me. Previously she wanted to get me tested for all sorts of stuff but drinking would top that off. I couldn't risk her knowing.

"Jay honey are you ok?" Diane asked me as she gave me a comforting smile.

I simply nodded and continued to crack my knuckles and fidget. I searched around for something to draw my attention to so I could avoid my nerves. Everything was making me spiral slightly so I reached down into my back pack. Trying to avoid Diane's gaze I grabbed the water bottle and took a few sips. It worked and took the edge off. I went to drink a little more when Diane began to sniff around as if she could smell something. Quickly I screwed on the lid and threw it back in my bag.

"The car smells like nail polish remover how weird." She stated with her eyes pinned forwards.

I nodded in agreement before slouching down into my seat. We were nearly there as my eyelids became heavy. When I passed out last night it wasn't really a sleep. Those kinds of sleeps felt like I was out for a minute. All I wanted was to curl up in bed and sleep the day away. Desperately wanting to avoid all people including the Birches and Matthew. Unfortunately this was unavoidable so I had to suck it up and continue.