Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

Hurting yourself

Jays pov
___________________________________

"Jay I have been thinking..." Jessie trailed off slightly as she turned now laying on her back and looking at the ceiling.

"What about?" I asked before turning to be in the exact some position as her.

"I think... I think I might..." Jessie sighed and closed her eyes.

"You can tell me anything ok?" I said smiling at her briefly. She inhaled a deep breath.

"I think that I'm bi..." She said as her eyes still remained shut.

"Wait really? How come you think that?" I asked slightly shocked.

"Well I didn't really think about it until you came out to me. It made me think about bisexuality and how it explains my feelings. The thing is I was scared to say because I don't want Nick to be put off by me, especially now that we have gotten back together." She turned again to face me as she played with a thread hanging out of one of the pillows.

"That's amazing! Now we can talk about boys and girls we find hot." I laughed trying to lighten the mood and reassure Jessie. "You have nothing to worry about ok? Nick would never treat you any differently because of something like that."

"You're right, I'm just being paranoid." She sighed. There was a brief moment of silence.

"I was thinking since I knew I was bi because of Matthew, was there any girl you liked to make you realise?" I questioned.

The second those words left my lips her cheeks turned a slight crimson colour. She laid there silently twiddling her thumbs and nervously giggling.

"Oh. My. God. Whoooo?" I asked.

"Leah..." Jessie muttered under her breath.

"No way. Leah? As in Leah Birch? As in your boyfriends sister?" I gasped and smacked a hand over my mouth.

"Shut up! Please don't tell Nick ok he would get all jealous and weirded out. It was only a little crush and it's gone now." She cried as she tossed a pillow at me. My reflexes kicked in as I caught the pillow and lowered it to my lap.

"My lips are sealed." I winked at her and pretended to zip up my mouth.

She relaxed again trying to get to sleep. It felt good to be trusted by Jessie. I mean she is my best friend and I do trust her but for her to tell me something that big was amazing. I fought the urge to make a gross joke like I used to. Jessie has really seen past my facade and learnt about the real me. The boy who isn't as confident as everything thought. The one who hides behind jokes and magic so that if people don't like him he can blame it on his strong personality rather than himself.

"Hey Jess." I said checking to see if she was still awake.

"Yes Jay?" She asked back.

"How come you told me instead of Matthew or someone?" I felt embarrassed asking but needed to know the answer.

"Jay you're my best friend, of course Matthew is too but we grew up together and even though I made fun of you all the time I still cared about you. Honestly I feel like we are platonic soulmates, just made to be friends. I trust you more than anyone and I know you Jay. I know you really well so I can tell when you are drinking out of sadness or when you are lying to yourself. I know that you never let yourself believe that it's possible for someone to care about you but I do Jay. I really do because I love you." Jessie spoke softly but in such a confident way.

"I know you care about me." I said defensively.

"You may know that I care about you but you don't believe that I care about you." She added.