Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

Stupid Mistakes

Jays pov
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It had been a few days since my therapy session. Their was constant anxiety in the back of my head worrying about whether I said too much during the session. I decided it wasn't worth dwelling over, it is what it is. After looking into what bipolar and eating disorders were, I decided that wasn't the problem. I mean it couldn't possibly be. All of those people's problems were serious and I felt awful for them. They needed the help a lot more than I did. I had always done pretty ok on my own. Yes I will admit that things got out of hand when I tried to... you know what. I was a lot better now considering I was on a lot of pain killers. Constantly feeling drowsy and kind of high was great. The pain eased up and my emotions were switched off to a constant calm and giddy.

Matthew was still staying here even though Jessie left yesterday. He said he wanted to stay with me until I had fully recovered but I had a feeling that he secretly didn't want to go home. Recently he hadn't talked much about his home life but I knew it wasn't great. Maybe avoiding his parents was the break he needed. Either way I was happy to be spending all of this extra time with him. It was like we were living together. It was a given that I annoyed the shit out of him a lot and we would argue over stupid things but they were never serious.

He came into my room dressed already. The plan for today was to go out and do something. All I wanted to do was lay in bed but I guess I had to get moving eventually. I covered my head with the covers in an attempt to hide from him. He simply rolled his eyes and stripped the sheets ready for the wash. I sat up and crossed my arms trying to look annoyed.

"Come on get dressed." He demanded as he stuck his tongue out at me.

I pointed towards my wardrobe as a sign for him to pick me out an outfit. He flicked through it for a moment before handing me a pair of jeans and a band tee. Once I put it on I attempted to add a vest which he immediately took off of me.

"Please not the vest!" He cried out to which I just rolled my eyes.

"Morning boys." Diane called out as she knocked on the door.

"Come in." I replied as she walked in with a smile.

Unable to stand for much longer I laid back down. Diane walked over to Matthew and placed a few pills in his hand. Whilst my eyes were still closed I opened my mouth. He popped them into my mouth and handed me a glass of water.

"Your last ones how exciting!" Diane exclaimed very cheerily.

"Not exciting." I mumbled.

"It is, it means you are getting better." Matthew kissed my forehead in hopes to cheer me up.

"It means that I will be in pain." I pouted again.

It was true, I was upset about no longer having pain killers to take. I had to completely go cold turkey. My body was already reacting badly to the lack of alcohol. Secretly I would take a few swigs of left over wine or anything I could find. More than anything I craved the burn of vodka in my throat. I assumed that I hadn't been completely sober for maybe a year now. Although I never realised till now the toll it had on me. It wasn't that I had to have it or I would die, it was more that I wanted it so much. Painkillers sufficed but I was worried now that I wouldn't be able to control myself. Without something to numb the emotional pain I would be back to where I was.

The air outside was crisp but nice and refreshing. It had been a while since I'd gotten out of the house. Even before the incident I didn't like to go out much. Matthew thought it would be best to go somewhere and do something. Not that I was exactly sure where we were going. I didn't care though, not for one second. With Matthew it felt like I was free and could do anything. Like I was the king of the world. Whilst we walked hand in hand I gazed at him. He was talking about some random drama at school that he heard. I wasn't paying attention to his words because all I could think about was how beautiful this boy before me was. No way would I ever be able to fully believe that he was mine.