Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

The fight

"I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings, I made a mistake..." I scratched the back of my neck. "Don't worry about it" Matthew said as a tear fell down his cheek, he looked down. I lifted up his chin and wiped it away with my thumb whilst staring deeply into his eyes. I paused. Matthew was smiling just before I pulled his face to mine, as our lips were about to touch... *alarm noises*
I shot up gasping for air. "Shit! That was all a dream" I said between huge gulps of air. 'No no no why is this happening' I thought. I wasn't I mean I couldn't be gay. Without a further interruption I got up and started to get ready for school.
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As soon as I entered the school halls there he was. He was wearing his usual button up blue shirt and tan vest. A frown was on his face but not in disgust like usual, he was actually upset. What if it was because of yesterday I should go apologise. No I couldn't talk to him all he does is confuse me. His gay is rubbing off on me and it's not ok. I quickly tried to walk past him without making eye contact when he called my name. "Look Jay I get you probably didn't want to kiss me in that game, or are confused but you really hurt me and-" Matthew tried to explain as I cut him off. "Don't speak to me fag" I muttered so only he could hear. Walking away I knew it was harsh but I had to be, I couldn't risk it. I headed to my next class and within 5 minutes was kicked out like usual. As I sat outside the class I couldn't help but think about him. I tried so hard but I couldn't get him out of my head. I daydreamed about us hanging out and hugging and all that gay stuff. I'll admit he is cute but any straight guy would think that. Or maybe I am gay.
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As school ended a fight broke out by the bike shed. Like always I had to get involved so I ran over in excitement. "What's going on?" I whispered to Andrew. "Matthew accidentally walked into some 8th graders and now they want to beat him up. Poor kid." Andrew shook his head in pity. I had no clue why but I felt empty and scared. Then all that was left in my body was rage. I shoved my way through the crowd to get a closer look. They had him pinned against a gate, all 5 of them sniggering. It wasn't fair! Just as one of them drew back their fist to hit him I grabbed their arm. "Leave him alone you dickheads!" I screamed before even realising I did. Oh god everyone will think I care about him. "Um..if anyways going to beat him up it's me. He's been all over me for weeks." I said trying to cover it up. "Fine I don't care that much anyway" some 8th grader said as they all walked away with most of the crowd. I didn't realise till now but Matthew was shaking and crying as I was holding him by the collar of his shirt. This is the most pain I've ever felt. Andrew, Missy, Caleb, Nick and Jessie stood there and watched. "Jay isn't punching him" Caleb blankly said. Jessie ran over and told me not to be a prick and to let him go. The last thing I wanted to do is actually hurt him. He looked up at me with red puffy eyes, all I could see was his fear. I just let go and watched him fall to the ground in a ball of tears. As I ran off I turned to see him looking at me with confusion.
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Matthews pov:
Why did he do that? After torturing and being horrible to me all week why save me from getting punched? At first I thought it was because he wanted to beat me up but he didn't. I watched him run off hitting his face repeatedly calling himself an idiot. Was it possible he actually felt bad, maybe he cared about me after all. "Matthew are you ok" Jessie asked with concern. "I'm fine" I said through tears. "Jay's such a dick half the time but he actually saved you. Are you guys friends?" Jessie dabbed my eyes with her sleeve. "No he hates me" I sighed. Jessie nodded and took me to the bathroom to clean up. No one minded me going into the girls bathroom cos duh I'm gay but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to Jay than I knew.
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Jays pov:
I walked through my door calling out to see if anyone was home. No reply but my mum was probably passed out drunk in her sewing room again. I headed upstairs thinking about everything. I mean I couldn't be gay could I? I like girls, I always have but there's something about Matthew. I flipped open my laptop screen and immediately searched about gay dudes. I knew Andrew took a gay test from his hormone monster when he was questioning his sexuality but I didn't have one. Everyone wondered why but I knew it was because I went through everything without a mum or dad so I could go through pubity alone too. Lucky for me the internet has loads of gay tests. After answering a few questions I finally had my results....bi? What the fuck does bi mean. 'A bisexual is sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women.' As soon as I read those words everything clicked. Of course! I knew I liked girls still but I thought you had to be gay to like a guy. Knowing I was bi answered all of my confusion the only thing left to worry about was what my friends would say. I frowned, I knew they weren't homophobic but they might get uncomfortable having me at sleepovers plus I'm excluded all the time anyway. This will make things worse.
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It had been a week since Matthew almost getting beaten up. I had made sure I was nicer to him ever since but I still avoided him as much as I could which was hard as I had the biggest crush on him. Just look at him he's so cute, sassy, funny and he knows who he is. I knew I wanted to come out but I could only do it to one person. Of course the person who I once liked and ran away with wasn't the best option but I always felt close enough to her to tell her anything and maybe we will become closer now. She's best friends with Matthew so I could be too. I tapped her on the shoulder "Jessie, I wanted to ask you something..." my face started to get really hot, this was such a big secret to share. Once it's out it will never go back in. "You can't touch my boobs Jay, just because I'm wearing a tighter top today doesn't mean I'm inviting you to-" Jessie rolled her eyes. "No I'm not asking you anything gross" I giggled. "Oh sorry. What's up?" She gave me a warming smile. "Would you care if I was bi?" I gulped waiting for her to judge the crap out of me but she just looked shocked and pulled me into a massive hug. "I'm so proud of you that was such a big thing to tell someone and I'm honoured you told me. I'm confused though, how come you kept calling Matthew a fag?" I want to tell her but what if she tells him, maybe that's a good thing. "I was confused about my feelings because" I sighed "I really like him, I think I have since I met him but I just thought it was as a friend and know I was a bitch to him and I don't know what to do" my heart started racing. "Calm down, you don't have to tell Matthew yet but you could apologise for what you said and get closer as friends" she shrugged. "Your the best friend ever, I'll go speak to him now. Thank you for excepting me." I hugged her again. "Are you two dating again?" Nick said with shock. Of course Nick and Andrew has to show up right now. Jessie started to correct Nick when "Yes we are!" I burst out. I looked to Jessie for help. She knew what I was going through so she covered for me. "Yea we sorted everything out and decided to give it a try." She laughed. "That's cool." Andrew said before he and Nick walked off. "I'm sorry I shouldn't of said that" I said with panic. "Don't worry, we can break up in week no one will care" she winked and then pushed me towards Matthew. "Um hi" I whispered.