Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

Suspicions

Jays pov
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It was now 1:00am and I needed to sleep. I couldn't put off school any longer. Tomorrow I had to come back and face everyone. The second Matthew left school he had been ringing me none stop for hours. It started off with 1 small message reading 'Hey I missed you today, let me know if you're ok xx' I didn't want to lie to Matthew so I just ignored it. He could always tell if someone thing was up. When everything's ok I would answer his texts in a heart beat, they excite me usually. Not today though. Today I couldn't bare to even read his name. All I felt was shame as I had cracked and let him down.

After 30 minutes of attempting to sleep I had found myself outside 'the door we never open.' Obviously I knew why and what was in there. My fingers slipped over the handle as crept into the room. Even though no one was home a part of me still felt nervous upon entering. I picked the lock on one of her small cupboards along by the desk. Everyone in the house knew it was her booze cupboard. The seemingly endless supply of alcohol met my eyes as I swung the doors open. I couldn't believe the amount, there had to be at least 60 bottles. It ranged from vodka to Jack Daniels to whiskey. My brain pondered over what I had been craving but I knew it had to be the drink I consumed the most. Vodka.

Now in my room I jumped onto my bed. I took a moment to examine the bottle for any signs of it being open but it was brand new. My mother rarely noticed when I took alcohol that had been laying around her as long as I placed the empty bottle back in the living room. However the one other time I had taken alcohol from her cupboard was when she caught me. It will be a while till she returns home so hopefully by then the amount will slip her mind. Without another thought I cracked open the bottle and tossed the cap to the side not planning on using it again. I brought the bottle to my lips and I slowly gulped done the thick burning fluid. After the first few gulps my body tingled slightly before becoming completely numb from head to toe. Then when half the bottle was gone I felt more tipsy and could see the room spinning. I went on drinking more and more until I had finally passed out. I wasn't sure when or how much I had to drink prior to that but I felt like it wasn't a good thing to do on a school night.

When I woke up I was dazed and confused but still knew what had happened straight away. I recognised that feeling so well it had to be true. That's when I looked down at the 1/4 full vodka bottle that was in my palm. Rolling my eyes, I got up to get ready for school. My gut sunk as I remembered there was a 10 seconds that day. I hadn't felt the freedom of no burdens that morning. I was upset but didn't want to dwell on something I couldn't change. It was gym class today so I packed my clothes before leaving the house for school. A long walk for me to take with a hangover but the fresh air would do me justice.

As I entered the building I walked straight over to where Nick and Andrew were talking about something. They both turned to me and briefly looked me up and down with a little worry in their eyes. Knowing the events of Saturday evening they clearly knew why I was in this state but didn't want to bring it up. Instead Nick thought of an idea to cheer me up and smiled as he spoke.

"Hey buddy, wanna show us one of your new magic tricks?" Nick asked.

"You want me to... show you a trick?" I whispered looking up at them.

I didn't believe it that after all this time they finally wanted to see one. I had waited so long for the day they actually cared but it didn't feel right. For some reason I couldn't think of anything worse than magic right now. My small smile faded as my eyes were glued to my feet.

"Yes of course we want you to." Andrew added as he tried to discreetly wink at Nick.

Neither one of them realised that I had saw. They both seemed proud of their attempts to cheer me up. Little did they know their plans were failing horribly. I had no motivation to do anything I loved whatsoever. I was even slightly dreading talking to Matthew. Magic hadn't crossed my mind at all recently and that's when I realised the last trick I did was when I was showing Aidan. That was it. I started to feel nauseous about the thought of performing. If I could avoid it I wouldn't do magic ever again.