Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

Running into temptation

Jays pov
___________________________________

First day back at school. Something that everybody dreads. Of course you would probably dread it more if you had attempted suicide and been adopted recently. Not only because people will be talking about you but also because you are back to the shit hole that was a big part of why you were depressed in the first place. Again I should be grateful. I mean for years I craved affection and attention and now I will receive tons. Matthew will be by my side the whole day and if someone even makes fun of me once Jessie will probably murder them. I'd be more scared for them than me.

Still it was a massive thing that I wished wasn't happening. Everything during recovery went so fast and now all I can think about is something to take away the pain. My pain killers were long gone so I had no clue where I could find a strong buzz. The alcohol I stole from my old house had only lasted a few days, at this point I won't make it through the week. I wished so badly that I was strong, that I could do it for Matthew. Truth is it's always harder than it seems. And this already seemed pretty fucking difficult.

Matthew and I arrived outside the school hand in hand. No one was around to see me yet which made me feel a little better. Still my hands were trembling and I couldn't even begin to imagine what my face looked like. Probably bloodshot eyes, pale skin and bags darker than coal.

"It's going to be ok, we had all of our lessons moved around so you either have me or Jessie in every class. It's just one day and if you can't cope you can take a break." Matthew was rambling on whilst holding my face and checking to see if I was prepared.

"Matthew chill. I'm fine." I gave him a reassuring smile as I escaped from his grasp.

"I know I just worry about you." He pouted.

I shook my head and giggled. The time was now, I was as ready as I'll ever be. Both of us took a deep breath and opened the doors. As we expected everyone fell silent and just stared at us. Of course the fact that we recently came out as a couple then were off of school for a month would be a shock to anyone. Hopefully no one knew why and things could go mostly back to normal.

Luckily Jessie had spotted us from across the hall and waved us over. We headed towards her trying to ignore all of the curious glances. I felt like I was under a spotlight and began to shift with uncomfortableness. Finally we made it to the other side intact. Jessie smiled at me with half sorrowful and half genuinely glad eyes. She brought me into a deep and longing hug before returning to her previous stance.

"So Jay you are with me for first, second and fifth period." She said whilst looking down at a timetable.

I nodded as I became aware that I actually had no clue what lessons I had today. Lucky couldn't even begin to describe how I felt. These two people before me had taken it upon themselves to sort me out as I am clueless. I couldn't thank them enough. Matthew gave me a quick peck on the forehead before frowning and leaving to get to his lesson. To be honest I was glad to be back since it would give my life some form of normality, Matthew could use it to. I spent all day cooped up in my bedroom which led me to think about drinking and craving things which I didn't want to even consider. I had decided that this in fact was the best thing for me.

"Basically there is so much drama to catch you up on. Gina and Lola are best friends as you know but recently Devin got jealous and..." Jessie began to tell me the full story in all of its glorious details.

I was glad to have Jessie since she always knew how to act in these sort of situations. She could tell that I wanted to act like everything was normal without me even telling her. All day I would have to endure the endless questions and people making sure I am ok but for now, in this moment, Jessie and I could talk about regular high school drama. Nothing life threatening or damaging. Just basic, petty drama and I loved it.