Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

Not so perfect friends

Jessie's pov
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After Missy had told me she caught Jay cuffing himself I didn't know how to react. I wasn't even sure how I should feel. Of course I was upset that Jay would ever do that to himself. You would have to be in an awful place to do something like that. All that took over was anger. I tried to understand where he was coming from but all I could fathom was rage. Mainly I was angry at myself for not noticing the clear signs. For fuck sake he was bleeding when he took a shower at my house the other day! That's twice now in my home. My house should be a safe space for him so why would he corrupt that. He must of needed the escape so badly to risk getting caught. I had to talk to him so I knew how to help but what about Matthew. I am upset enough, this would kill Matthew. They have just gotten back on track at the moment. I felt guilty and hated it but I was mad at Jay too. He knows we would help him so he should come to us. I know he doesn't want help and doesn't believe we care but we do and it's so frustrating!

Missy and I walked back into the room after I had calmed down a bit. I have witnessed one too many panic attacks that Jay has experienced but never before have I ever felt like I might have one. It's the worst thing in the world to hear someone you love so much has gone so deep. Hurting himself was the thing right next to suic- No. I can't allow myself to think like that. Jay looked nervous and scared. Was it possible that he heard? Missy caught him so he knew she was aware but maybe he thought she wouldn't tell me. Now I have to convince Jay to tell Matthew which would be next to impossible. Jays eyes darted back and forth. I tried to avoid looking at him as I planned my next move.

"Let's play a game!" Jay blurted out.

For fuck sake.

"Jay can I talk to you quickly?" I asked trying to sort this out now.

He didn't take any notice of what I said. All he did was clear the floor so we could sit in a circle. I needed to talk to him really badly but not now. Matthew had to hear privately, not in front of everyone because that wouldn't be fair on either of them. Of course we agreed on spin the bottle of truth. This dumb game we made up where you spin the bottle and whoever it lands on gets asked a question by the spinner.

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Jays pov
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It was my turn first and my hands were shaking. The fact that Jessie and Missy both knew had be mortified. It was only a matter of time before Andrew and Nick caught one then... Matthew. He was so happy and hopeful that our relationship was doing amazing at the moment. I really was ruining this for everyone. Why am I such a fucking idiot.

We went around the circle starting off with some simple questions. Missy and Andrew had revealed that they still like each other and wanted to talk about it privately later on. It was finally my turn. I felt the cold glass as I placed the bottle on the ground to spin. That familiar feeling reminded me of every night I had been drinking this week. I scrapped those thoughts and focuses on who it landed on. Matthew. Great. I couldn't think of one till it hit. This game could be a great loophole to ease everything up incase Matthew inevitably finds out.

"Is there anything I could do to make you love me less? Besides like cheating and murder and stuff." I asked him.

"There is nothing you could do that we would not be able to work through together. I'm not going to let go of you that easily sweetheart." He winked before letting out a small laugh.

That gave me such a relief. He wanted to work things out together. A better answer than I had initially thought. I could tell Jessie was annoyed by this as if Matthew would change his answer upon releasing the truth. It was Jessie's turn to spin and it landed on Nick.