Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

Spilled blood spilled secrets

Jay's pov
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The rest of the week had flown by. Each day I heated up a new meal before enjoying it whilst watching tv. I was still so grateful for what Matthew and Jessie had done for me. They keep telling me that I don't have to thank them but I feel obligated to. Every time I say thank you to Matthew he pulls me into the nearest empty classroom and kisses me for roughly 20 seconds before leaving the room and keeping me wanting more. He says it's 'punishment' for me not accepting the fact that they don't need a thank you. Still I would thank them till the day I die, which will no longer be of starvation. On Thursday night I had gone to mine and Matthews special place to take out some of our anger. He was furious at Aidan but tried not to ever mention it in front of me. However I was angry at myself for letting him done. He hadn't found out and Nick and Andrew won't tell him but I was still worried. If Jessie found out either everything would change. Either of them is bad enough but together they would try and get me a fucking therapist.

My nights were still dark and I had started to get some vivid nightmares. All of the alcohol I drank would flush them out of my system. So every time I woke up from a nightmare I would get a little tipsy so I could sleep well. It wasn't having the best effect on me but it was a temporary solution. I had hoped that the nightmares would go away soon. Even if they didn't there wasn't much I could do.

Jessie felt the stress of everyone so she decided that we should have a sleepover. Everyone was up for the idea and honestly I was kind of excited. I needed more time with everyone to distract myself. Since the incident I haven't cut myself again but that doesn't mean I wasn't tempted. It's hard to ignore my need for hurt some times but I wasn't going to let it define me. The slices on my upper thigh were deep and not yet healed so I avoided getting changed or wearing shorts in front of people. My focuses had shift from that to spending more time with Matthew. People needed to know that I was ok, well at least think it.

After school Nick had gone straight to Jessie's with her. The rest of us went home to pack and get changed. I grabbed a small bag and shoved in a baggy shirt, some joggers, pants, socks and just incase a small bottle of vodka that I had hidden beneath the clothes. As I arrived I noticed that the door was unlocked so I just walked in. Considering she was expecting a bunch of people I thought she wouldn't mind. I entered the living room as I heard chatter from the kitchen. Everyone had seemed to be here.

"Guys remember we are doing this to cheer him up so don't mention anything sad." Jessie whispered.

"Especially the whole thing last weekend." Matthew added.

"He's really fragile and thinks we haven't noticed. He has kept up a strong face for us so we need to do the same for him." Jessie insisted.

"When he gets here don't mention us saying any of this ok?" Matthew asked.

I saw them all nod in agreement. I couldn't believe they thought so little of me. They thought I was weak and delicate and vulnerable. My first thought was to run out of that place but I needed to stay, I had to prove them all wrong. I walked back to the door and slammed it shut so it seemed like I had just arrived. Before walking into the kitchen I heard them pretending to have a conversation.

"Yeah that thing Coach Steve did today was funny- Oh hey Jay." Andrew smiled nervously.

"Hey guys. What did Coach Steve do today? I'm dying to hear." I said slyly.

"He uh... h-he just..." Andrew began to stutter.

"He ate some diary today." Nick shouted.

"Then slipped on his own sick and everyone laughed but it was serious and he needed to go to the hospital and he almost died but then he was ok and now he is recovering really well I heard..." Missy cried out as she panicked.