Would your heart stop ( Jay x Matthew Big Mouth Jatthew Fanfiction )

Secrets

Jays POV
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It was 6:30 am on a Monday morning when I gave up trying to sleep and decided to get up. It's very early for me but I couldn't stop thinking about Matthew. His cute smile and sassy remarks. I feared how my friends would react knowing I liked him. They weren't exactly homophobic but would they be uncomfortable? I'm excluded enough already, imagine if they knew this. I was loud and obnoxious and had slight anger issues. Everyone called me a psychopath constantly but I wasn't. I was just damaged from all the trauma. I mean if everyone had a dad that cheated all the time, a mum who called you a pussy 24/7 and two brothers that beat the shit out of you everyday I feel like they'd be pretty angry too. Anyway Matthew was my weak spot and by my weak spot I mean he made me calm and feel happy. For the most part at least, every time I would shout or be horrible to him it wasn't because I wanted to it was to protect myself. Even though I wasn't ready to come out just yet, I was ready to be with him. My thoughts were interrupted by hard pounding on my door. There was no point getting a lock as Kurt and Val would just break it within a day. I had started to put a chair in front of the handle to buy me some time to sneak out the window before they came in. Not this time though because I was all caught up by thinking of Matthew I didn't remember to put the chair there. I was wondering why they were pounding on the door if they could just open it but knowing them it was probably to freak me out. I didn't have enough time to open my window because the second I sat up they broke through the door and Kurt slammed my body down. "Hey gay boy doing some magic?" Val yelled taunting me. "W-What I'm not gay. Why do you think that" I stuttered. Kurt and Val shared a brief laugh. Nothing else was said except my screams begging them to stop. I remember them pinning me down and punching me senseless until I blacked out. I mean they probably continued for a good 5 minutes but they eventually left. I woke up on the floor, a mixture of tears and blood running down my cheeks. I looked into a mirror to see the damage they had done. My nose was swollen and bruised with blood dripping out of each nostril, I was surprised it wasn't broken from how hard they hit me. One of my eyes was bulging and black where as the other was fine just red from me crying. I looked down at my body as I realised I was covered from head to toe with cuts and bruises. They must of scratched me too as each section of my body was bleeding. Of course it hurt but I was too numb to even flinch as I got a wet tissue and wiped all of my cuts. I was lucky it was so early as I managed to clean up just in time to leave for school. It was a pretty long walk but I didn't mind. I would prefer to have a nice mum to drive me to school everyday like Nick's mum but I just had to accept that I will never have a loving family because I can't change it. The second I walked into school everyone was staring at me. Yes my brothers did beat me up a lot but usually they did it in ways that didn't leave obvious marks. Like choking me or punching me in my stomach so clothes could cover the damage. This time they must of gotten in from a party and had been too drunk to remember. People would see my injuries from time to time but I always brushed it off. I wasn't secretive about how I acquired it all but people never cared. Everyone would beaten up by siblings from time to time but mine tortured me every day. Jessie and Nick were talking at their lockers flirting like always as I approached them. "Hey guys! Want to see a new magic trick?" I said eagerly. Jessie gasped as Nick dropped all of his stuff. "What the fuck happened to you?" Jessie grabbed my face inspecting all of my bruising. "Oh you know Kurt and Val were bored I guess. I mean they called me gay but I'm not sure whether that had anything to do with it" I shrugged lightly. "You aren't gay though so why would they say that?" Nick looked at me confused and concerned. "That doesn't really matter does it. Anyway they shouldn't beat you like this it isn't ok. Why don't you tell your mum-" Jessie paused giving me a knowing smile. My mum would encourage them to hurt me more. She thinks it 'builds character' and toughens me up. "I'm fine guys, I blacked out so it didn't even hurt" I said thinking it would make them worry less but it didn't. They looked terrified. I could tell they wanted to help but they couldn't, no one could. All of a sudden I heard a massive gasp come from down the hall behind me. "What the fuck!" A voice screamed as they ran up to me. I realised who it was when Matthew stood in front of me. He grabbed my face practically sobbing but he held back the tears the best he could. "Who did this to you, why would they do this?" Matthew said as he was touching my entire body frowning at my injuries. "It was his brothers, they said he was gay or something" Nick said trailing off. "Do your brothers know?" Matthew said taking a step back from me. "Know what" Nick asked giving me a slight disturbed look. "Listen Mathew I'm not sure what your implying and I know I'm hot as shit but you need to stop hitting on me" I said moving away from him slightly.
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Matthews POV
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It was my fault that he said that comment. I knew he wanted to stay in the closet and that question did imply he wasn't straight. I needed to be more careful about what I said but I thought if he was anyone else I would reply with a sassy remark so that's what I was going to do. "Ugh you wish" I said back rolling my eyes. "Why would I wish that, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone" Jay remarked. I know he had to be believable but that last bit was a little far. "You say that yet your wishing it in your dreams" I teased whilst smirking. "Fuck of you faggo-" Jay tried to say when I cut him off. "Say one more homophobic slur I dare you" I said anger in my eyes. I was trying not to be mad but that slur was the stem of a lot of trauma.

"No son of mine will go anywhere near a faggot, your never seeing your uncle again" my Dad screamed. My uncle was the only person who knew I was gay at the time. "But Dad he's just being true to himself and happy!" I yelled back. "I swear to God if your a faggot I will personally make sure you never step foot in this house again, am I making myself clear" my dad shrieked whilst grabbing onto my collar.

I snapped back into reality when Jay was stuttering trying to reply to what I had said. It was getting very heated for people who had just admitted to liking each other a couple days ago. Jay was struggling and to be honest I wasn't sure if I could deal with it. I mean I liked him and cared about him a lot. It was ok not being public about our feelings but if he would torment me every chance he got it wasn't worth it. I'm not tolerating being taken down with him. Part of me wanted to wait for him but I had previously been in the closest and secretive for too long. "Listen Jay you know our little deal we made the other day? Yea well just forget it because this other guy has decided he will instead" I mumbled in a pissed off tone as I turned to walk away. I only saw his mouth open in shock briefly but I tried to ignore it. I pulled out my phone and opened the messages app. 'Hey Aidan, I would love to go out some time :)' he replied almost instantly 'Great! I'll pick you up at 5:00 after school? We can go watch this new movie I keep hearing about' he replied. 'Sounds like a date' I texted back as I walked to my class.
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Jays POV
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No no god no. I thought we were joking around for public purposes. You know so no one would suspect anything. I mean he was obvious at first what did he suspect. I never meant to trigger him, I fucked it up like I do with everything. I let my anger get the best of me. Why was it so hard to come out I mean when I told Jessie it felt amazing. I just knew it would be different if I told anyone else. I started to smack my head against my fists. At this point I had forgotten about my black eye as I got a sharp shooting pain going through my skull. "Fuck ouch" I yelled in pain. Tears started to sting my eyes but not from the pain. It was from the thought that I had just lost Matthew and I knew this time I couldn't do anything about it. "Hey Andrew just texted me saying he needs to talk, can I go or do you want me to stay?" Nick asked me. Nick was my friend but I hated showing emotions in front of him. I wanted him to just leave more than anything. "Just go, see what he wants" I shot Nick a fake smile. I tried to seem happy and luckily it had worked as Nick started to wonder off. I turned and just looked at Jessie. She could tell that if I didn't get away right then I would break down in front of everyone. Jessie took my hand and led me to the toilets, I felt too weak to walk but I made my best efforts. Jessie sat me down on a toilet seat in the disabled toilet as it was bigger than the other. "Jessie this is the girls bathroom" I whispered. "I know Jay but no one uses this ones as their isn't any sanitary bins, fucking women hating janitors" Jessie rolled her eyes. Things like that really bothered her. It was always small injustices that she picked up on. She looked down at me as I started to cry. She wrapped her arms around me to comfort me until I was able to talk. "What's up Jay? I thought you and Matthew had made up. I mean I locked you in that cupboard for a reason." She said trying to figure out what happened. "I don't know why I'm crying. I didn't mean to upset him I really didn't..." I looked down into my lap. "What was you deal you made with him?" She questioned. I sighed. "When we were in that cupboard we began to fight and ended up kissing. The next day we met up in a park to talk about it and I confessed my feelings for him but told him I wasn't ready to tell anyone. He agreed to see where things would go in private but when he talked he made it obvious and Nick was there. I don't want everyone hating me because I am bi. I can't lose anyone else because I've already lost Matthew" I was trying to speak as loud as I could but barely any sound was coming out. Jessie has managed to hear what I was saying because she wiped away my tears and quickly left the bathroom. I assumed since she was Matthews best friend she was trying to talk to him and say how I was sorry and why I did it. I looked into the mirror and damn I really did look rough. I put all of that aside and wiped away the rest of my tears. I began to walk out of the toilets and to my next class.