Christmas

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  • Dedicated to Anyone who has suffered depression
                                    

     Today is the day we leave for Santa Barbara. Samie is still mad at me. l still don't even know what l did to her. The only reason l know that she is excited to get back to the family is because Tamra told me. Samie won't even talk to me unless she really needs something. Yes, it does hurt to know that my own daughter is mad at me. Hurt by Christina Aguilera is the song of my life right now. l have, in the past, blamed things l couldn't do on Samie. l have hurt myself by hurting her. And l would do anything to hear her voice again. l step onto the plane before Samie. She is right behind me. l always sit in the back of the plane with Samie, but Samie sat in the very first row with Tamra. Johnny Wujek sees that l am staring at Samie so he comes and sits next to me.    

"Katy, l am not a parent myself, but l can only imagine what you are feeling right now," he says as he puts his arm around me

"lt's just... l don't even know why she's mad at me," l say

"Have you ever thought that maybe she isn't mad, she just wants some alone time. You do spend a lot of your free-time with her," he says

"l know, but l have always thought that she liked to be around me," l say

"Katy, she's a teenager. You remember when you were a teenager. You started wanting more alone time," he says

"l know, but she has never been like that towards me before. l just want to understand fully what she is mad about, but Tamra won't tell me," l say

"l don't know what to tell you, Kitty. The best thing l think you could do is give her space for a while," he says

Samie's POV

        l get on my phone and text my friend, Abby.

Me: Hey whats up lm on the plane headin home

Abby: Yay lm so excited cant wait til u get home

Me: Ya when we do get home dont mention what happened cuz l kinda said some things 2 my mom n so now we r fightin

Abby: Aww what happened u can tell me

Me: Well we were at a concert in Sydney Australia n l hav been gettin kinda bullied on the internet n she pulled someone on stage 2 tell her bout it cuz l never told her anything til rite b4 the concert so she was curious she posted a pic on insta n said stuff n the person saw it n sent me more DM's n they were even worse l was caught up in the moment and l started cuttin myself l regretted it rite after it happened she doesnt no that l cut myself

Abby: U should really tell her Samie that is serious

Me: l no but lt isnt as easy as u would think it is

Abby: lt prob is hard but the rite thing to do is tell her

Me: l no

Abby: Well l hope u make up with ur mom see ya when u get here

Me: ok ttyl

"Who was that?" Tamra asks

"My friend, Abby," l say

"Oh, is it that one friend that you completely lied to until you could actually tell her the truth?" she asks

"l never lied to her, l just never told her exactly who my family was. She knew that l was adopted and that l was being raised by a single mother, but when l realized that l was going to be gone for a really long while for the tour, l told her," l say

"Oh, so you just completely shut out Katy around her," she says

"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds horrible," l say

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