BDSM SOCIETY: Convicted To You

EPILOGUE

"Where the hell are you taking me?!"

He seriously stared at me in the rearview mirror for a while and then focused on the road. Napahawak ako sa sentido ko dahil tumibok na naman sa sakit. Hindi na ako nagtanong pa at nagpahinga nalang.

Ilang sandali lang ay huminto na ang sasakyan. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan ito pero kita ang kabuuan ng syudad. The city lights and the cold air helped my headache settled slightly.

"Why did you bring me here? What do you want?" malamig kong tanong. Nasa ibaba ng lugar ang tingin ko, pinapanood ang city lights.

Bahagya akong nagulat nang yakapin niya ako nang mahigpit.

"I thought I lost you forever..." basag ang boses niyang sinabi. I struggled from his tight embrace but I failed to get away.

"Hash, ano ba!" Nagpumilit akong kumawala kahit na imposible. Sa higpit ng yakap niya na para bang tatangayin ako ng hangin kapag lumuwag nang kaunti ay imposible akong makawala. "Hashim...!" naiinis kong tawag sa kaniya.

Magkahalong amoy ng sigarilyo, alak, at pamilyar na pabango ang sarili niya.

"Hari...forgive me..."

Tumigas ang mukha ko. He could die here for all I care but I couldn't forgive him!

"Ano ang kailangan mo at kinidnap mo ako?" malamig kong tanong sa kaniya. "I could sue you for this!"

"I almost died, Hari..." He sobbed. "I almost died when you left me... I'm all alone... Every corner of the world, I saw your image. I missed every inch of you, Hari...please..."

Huminga ako nang malalim at pilit kumawala sa kaniya. Bahagya akong dumistansya sa kaniya. "Why are you saying all of these to me, Hashim? Bakit mo ba ito ginagawa?"

Lumuhod siya sakin na ikinalito at ikinagulat ko. He's really full of surprises.

"I was wrong...Love."

"From what?"

"From leaving you. From hurting you. From everything, you've been through. I'm sorry..."

"No. I should thank you, Hashim. I should thank you for everything. When you made a wrong decision, I found myself," maigting kong sinabi. Hindi niya ako madadala sa pagluhod niya. Dahil d'yan, nasaktan at nadurog ako nang todo. "Noong nanatili ako sa tabi mo when no one does, I neither assumed and expected that you would reciprocate my love for you. I was just there with no dark intention. Wala kang narinig sakin na kahit ano because that's how my love works. Walang tanong. Walang explanation. I stayed there for no reason, because shit! I just love you. Gusto ko lang damayan ka at iparamdam sayo na mayroong ako sa buhay mo. I wanted to be the light in your darkness. But you were the wind who blows the flame in my candle, and I was oblivious to know."

I stared at him with no compassion. Sapat nang sarili ko ang kinaaawaan ko noon. There'd never be another someone again.

"Ginawa ko ang lahat dahil mahal kita. Upang iparamdam sayo ang pagmamahal ko. Upang makita mo! Hindi para tanawin mong utang na loob! You should've known that right? Because I don't deserve that kind of love! That kind of treatment!"

Lumabas ang matagal ko nang ibinaon na emosyon sa puso ko. Now that I confronted him, I wanna let loose.

"Hindi ako naghintay ng kapalit, Hash. Noong ginawa ko ang mga bagay noon, gusto ko lang iparamdam sayo na hindi ka nag-iisa. Gusto lang kitang damayan." My tears fell, thank goodness it's dark. He couldn't see my tears. But the pain was evident in my voice. "Nawala ko ang sarili ko dahil inuna kita. Sobra kitang minahal at wala akong tinira sa sarili ko! Binigay ko sa'yo ang lahat ng kaya kong ibigay. Ginawa ko ang lahat kahit imposible. But why did I have to lose everything just because I loved you? Why does it have to be you against the world? And why does it have to end up like this? Nakakapanghinayang. Nakakapangsisi."