Pieces of Pastiche

Kabanata 29

Kabanata 29

"Ben, condolence."

Ben's father, Mr. Valderama, died because of a cardiac arrest. Nabigla ako sa narinig kong ito. I am not exactly a fan of his father, I am mad at him, but I don't wish him dead.

"Thank you, Quinn."

Maraming dumalo sa funeral ni Mr. Valderama. His wife was just sitting in front of his casket. Si Ben naman ang abalang tumatanggap ng mga bisita. I somehow know how it feels dahil ganyan rin si Mama nung mamatay si Papa. She's not talking to anyone. Kaya wala akong choice kundi ang humarap sa mga tao kahit na ako mismo ay nagdadalamhati rin.

I scrolled on my facebook page and I saw Dr. Francis Salome's posts. Nag annual anniversary ang Crimson Medical City. I saw pictures. Hindi ko mapigilang hindi hanapin si Archer sa mga litrato. There I saw a group photo of Archer, Sandro, Lorenz, Aurora and another girl doctor na mukhang kasing edad lang namin. I don't know her kaya hindi ko alam.

I sighed when I stared at Archer. Ang laki ng iniba ng itsura niya. He is wearing black tux and a grey long sleeves inside. Ang kanyang buhok ay maayos na naka suklay palikod. He looks more handsome than ever. Hindi siya masyado nakangiti kung kaya't mas misteryoso ang dating niya sa akin.

I want to go back and apologize at him. Alam ko at some point inisip ko rin na baka siya nga ang pumatay kay Melody and I feel so guilty. I didn't expect it's Amanda.

Pero naisip ko din, ano pang point? It's been two years and I know nakamove on na siya. Kahit ako, alam ko sa sairli kong mahal ko pa siya.

"You miss him?"

Nagulat na lang ako nung tumabi sa akin si Ben at nagsalita. Behind his glasses were his eyes na halatang mugto sa iyak. I smiled sadly at him.

"Palagi naman.." I replied.

"Sorry sa pang bablack mail ni Papa. Now you can freely go back to him." Utas niya. Kahit pa ganun, hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang bumalik sa kanya. Alam kong malaki ang kasalanan ko sa kanya. Iniwan ko siya ng walang pasabi.

"I just can't go back to him..marami nang nagbago. Isa pa, malaki kasalanan ko sa kanya."

"You did it for him. For his sake. I am sorry hindi ko mapigilan si Papa sa pag kontrol sayo." I bit my lower lip as I try to remember what happened years ago. Malungkot akong ngumiti.

"Paano mo natanggap noon na tinanggal ng doctor yung life support ni Melody? Kahit ako mahihirapang tanggapin iyon." I asked. He sighed and look at his father's casket. Napatingin rin tuloy ako doon.

"It was difficult for me to accept it, Quinn. Pero alam kong iyon din ang gusto ni Melody, hindi naging mahirap tanggapin sa akin iyon. I know that she hired an attorney to decide for her because she knows Papa and Mama won't agree with her. Kasama niy ako nung sinabi niya ang plano niya sa attorney. How she doesn't want to be put in a mechanical ventilator. So somehow, I am thankful to Dr. Wilson. Alam ko mali ang ginawa niya, pero iyon ang gusto ni Melody. Isa pa, it isn't Dr. Houston who pulled the machine. It's Dr. Wilson. Sadyang nabulag lang si Papa ng galit at sakit."

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin. Hindi ko alam kung sasangayon sa ako sa kanya o hindi. But it's Melody who wanted that. She chose not to be placed in a mechanical ventilator. Oo nga naman, she's technically brain dead and legally dead. It's a miracle that is needed for her to wake up. If I were her, I would want the same. Ayoko nang paasahin ang mga tao sa paligid ko na gigising pa ko kahit alam ko namang hindi na. It will just hurt them.

As for Mr. Valderama, I know it is painful to lose a child. I lost an unborn child and it nearly killed me. Ano pa kaya kung nakasama mo yung anak mo ng matagal? Baka ako rin nabulag sa galit.

Umalis saglit si Ben dahil may tumawag sa kanya. Ako muna ang naiwan sa anak niyang si Ursula. Hindi pa niya syempre masyado maintindihan ang mga bagay bagay dahil mag totwo years old pa lang naman siya. I sighed when I remember my daughter. Ano kayang itsura niya kung di siya namatay? She's I guess, 5 or 6 by now.

"Suction."

Kinapa ko agad kung saan tumatagas ang dugo. When I felt it, agad akong naalarma dahil major vessel yun. Hindi nga tumama sa spine pero kailangan ko pa ring irepair iyon. I called for a Cardio that will repair the AAA.

"Clamp,"

Umabot ng walong oras ang surgery. Matapo snun ay pagod na pagod ko. I am inside my office when Amanda entered the premises. Dala dala niya nag isang liham. Kumunot ang noo ko at nagtaka kung bakit siya ang may hawak noon.

"Good evening, Amanda. What do I owe you?" I greeted. Inilahad niya sakin ang invitation and it's Sandro and Aurora's wedding invitation.

"Thank you," sabi ko kahit nagtataka kung bakit nasa kanya yun.

"It was sent in my office. Maybe it got lost together with the other letters."

Tumango ako at tinignan ang invitation. So it is really happening...

I know I promised na uuwi ako. Ngayon, wala nang pumipigil sa akin. Mr. Valderama is dead and wala nang magrerelease sa media ng nangyare noon. Nangyareng hindi naman si Archer ang talagang may kasalanan.

Uuwi ako. I don't know what's instore for me in the Philippines but I will go back there. I need to attend my bestfriend's wedding and face the unfinished business. Alam ko hindi ko pwedeng takbuhan na lang ito ng takbuhan. One way or another I need to face them. I need to face Archer. It's not that I will ask him to bring our relationship back. Gusto ko lang magsorry and I also miss Mama. I miss Lorenz and Sandro. I miss Crimson.

Kinagabihan, paalis na dapat ako nung kumatok sa opisina ko si Dr. Buckingham. I stood up and gave respect to the doctor.

"Good evening, Dr." I acknowledged his presence. He smiled at me and nodded. Halata mo sa itsura niya ang katandaan. Kitang kita kung paano na siya tumanda. Most of his surgeries now were handled by me and Amanda. He can't stand for too long inside the OR.

"Have a sit, do you want me to ask for coffee or tea?" I offered. Inilingan niya ko kaya napakurap ako. For sure he has something to say kaya sasadyain niya pa ko rito sa opisina ko.

"Your contact with me will end in a month. I will retire soon and will stop going in here in the hospital. I would like to tell you that you can go home in the Philippines now. You have learned all the things you can learn from me. It's time for you to nurture those lessons alone. Your country needs a world class neurosurgeon like you."

Hindi ako makapag salita. Una dahil hindi ko akalain na tapos na ang kontrata ko. Hindi ko namalayan iyon. Time really fly so fast. Pangalawa, magreretire na siya. He's really old enough to retire. Sa totoo lang, late retirement na nga ito. Dahil lang talaga sobrnag galing niya kaya binabalik balikan siya ng mga pasyente. Pangatlo, he is also encouraging me to go back in the Philippines. I know I told myself na babalik na ko ng Pilipinas pero wala pa naman akong pinagsasabihan non. As much as possible ayokong may makaalam dahil ayokong maging issue pa ang pag uwi ko.

"I like it here." Sabi ko sa kanya. He smiled at me and I saw the fine lines under his eyes.

"But you love it there."

Hindi na ko nakasagot. Totoo naman ang kanyang sinabi. I really love at home. Because there, I feel at home.

I nodded.

"I'm going home."