𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐀

•𝟏𝟎

Y'all I'm sorry if some of the aspects of the story looks different in some  chapters,it's cuz I'm writing this in different days, weeks, and months so bare with me.

|Saria POV|:

It was about 1:30 pm when Andrew came back home and when I say I'm scared shitless I'm fucking scared shitless he makes me want to sink into a corner. My face is so ugly because of him, because he doesn't know when to stop hurting me

He puts all his anger on me when all I try to do is be the best girlfriend he can have, am I not enough. I'm so happy that I save money for myself, I always save money on the side. Ever since I started my job 3 years ago I have always saved money just in case something goes terribly wrong. Although I have money from my parents will, I keep that for dire situations.

My self-esteem has been put down, it hurts to see myself so hurt and to see that I've put up with this pain for 3 almost 4 damn years. I've hurt myself in this relationship just by staying with his bitch ass.

I don't even know why I stayed I know he threatened my life and I'm very scared that he will find me and kill me but I don't know where this very small boost of self esteem came up but I'm happy about it. I finally know what I deserve and I know that I deserve better.

I know that I can't keep having myself sink into this dark place because my love is being taken for granted I can't do this anymore. I can't deal with the cheating, the lying, the abuse, mentality and physically. I can't keep doing this to myself.

At this point love is my biggest fear apart from Andrew. Love is what I'm scared of, I'm scared that I'm not capable of loving someone again. Not just this but throughout my whole life I've dealt with pain. My own parents didn't want me, I was bullied at school. I was raped at the young age of 13.

I even got pregnant but I couldn't have that baby I couldn't deal with knowing that;that poor innocent child was produced by such a monster. I was too young to be a mom. And that guilt is weighed on me everyday. My innocent was taken away and I wish I could tell you who did that to me but I don't even know I don't even remember because I blocked that mans face away from me, my life, and my thoughts.

But life brought me happiness the happiness that lasted a very good year. I had love, scratch that, shit I was in love. I was in love with Andrew and he was in love with me. I don't know what I did for that to change in him but now when I look at him I look in disgust. I used to look at him with so much adoration. People always told me that I wasn't good enough but for that beautiful year he made me feel like I was enough.

He made me feel as though I did deserve love. I was always told how he looked at me with so much love and adoration. My friend told me this. Yes, I used to have friends I had three amazing friends, but I drove them away. They told me so many times to leave him but I didn't because I loved him so much to the point I thought that I was the reason that he was treating me this way. They said they can't be friends with me knowing that I'm letting him hurt me like that.

I wished I listened to them, I could have saved myself from all this hurt I feel. I don't even know what love is anymore, I don't know how to love. I'm so physically and mentally tired.

I want to pack up my things, I want to leave. But living my life in fear that he will find me is not something I want to do.

I'm going to keep living with him until I'm 100% and fully ready to live in fear, at the moment I'm to weak to do that.

For now I have to get ready and go to work