2312 | brightwin (completed)

PART II: How Can You Be So Selfish?!

2312 CHAPTER 028

7th, November

Another day has passed and Win is still at the same place they had promised he would leave a week and something more ago. Without realizing, it was evening already. The boy had spend the whole day watching TV or glancing outside the window, staring at the busy road. He felt like he's in a big cage with air conditioner, as if he was a prisoner.

To the brunette, each day that passes by seems like a century to him. He watches all his dreams from his childhood 'till now vanish, becoming so impossible to accomplish. Win had promise to himself that he would try out everything in this life before dying. Whether it's bungee jumping, scuba driving or to simply volunteer, everything seemed like an uncatchable dream. He thought he would rot there in the hospital.

Win was writing in his diary, when the door suddenly opened, a furious Weeraya walking in without even knocking or greeting. The older girl headed straight to the boy, sitting on the chair next to him. Win tried to quickly hide his diary under the seats as Weeraya was approaching.

"What's wrong?" Win asked, confused about the situation.
 
"What's wrong? Oh yes, what a good question. What's wrong with you?!" the girl raised her voice.

"Why are you yelling out of a sudden like I did something not nice?! You're making my head spin!" the boy raised his voice back.

"I don't care at all how your head feels right now. I doubt you even have a brain inside, because if you have, it does not function correctly." Weeraya pointed to Win's forehead. "And yes, you did something NOT SO fucking nice."

"Why are you insulting me suddenly?! You're such a meanie!" Win retorted, this time yelling at the other as he got annoyed by the older's actions.

"You had all the chances in the world to confess to Bright, and you did not take advantage of any. You had all the luck on Earth when Bright confessed to you, and yet you told him you don't love him? All the people around you are sacrificing themselves for you, and you are being so selfish, is this your 'thank you'?! Do you love him or not?! Decide!"

Win lowered his head, fisting with his hand the sheets on his bed. "He..." the boy gulped. "Of course I love him... But... He would then get attached. Besides, he and I got no future together, you all know that. What's the use of being with him for one or two months if I'm still going to die?"

Weeraya lets out a heavy sigh, thinking about how shitty Win's mindset is, averting her sight elsewhere for a second before turning back to Win. This time, her voice was calmer than before upon seeing the boy's dark expression. "Bright knows very well where this leads to, Metawin. He knows it won't last long yet he still chose to be with you until the end. How can you be so selfish? It was his birthday for God's sake! Then I just found him drunk outside your apartment, crying like a damn toodler. You never thought of the consequences, did you?"

Win bit his lower lip, rethinking about everything he had said and how he acted in front of Bright yesterday. Weeraya was so damn right, the boy was so selfish. I'm the most selifsh guy living here on Earth.

He placed both of his hands on his forehead, messing his hair as he started crying, muffled, meaningless words escaping his mouth that were soon turning into sobs. "I'm... I'm sorry... I just don't know what to do anymore, P..." Win said, feeling so vulnerable and the air becoming less and less at each breath, feeling as if he was suffocating. His whole face had become red.

Weeraya glanced at the boy and took a deep breath as she saw Win bursting into tears, standing up from her chair and leaning towards the boy, caressing his cheek as she then hugged the brunet tight, gently patting his head. "I'm also sorry for yelling at you, bunny. Shhh, it's nothing. We can talk about this some other time, alrighty? But for now, you need to stay calm." The brunet nodded, hugging back the older girl tight. "P-p." he mumbled in between his cries.

First of all, I'm sorry P about the crappy writing. My limps feel so numb right now.

I didn't want Tay to write this instead of me, I wanted to write this all on my own, so that you can understand how much you really mean to me.

I didn't know that lying to you hurts so much. A lot.

You just can't understand how happy you have made me feel at that moment, when you suddenly confessed to me.

I wanted to cover you with my kisses, I wanted to cry tears of joy, to hold you forever .. But I didn't do any of that in reality.

Probably you won't understand... I just had to refuse, P. There was no other way, otherwise you would get attached and then just get hurt at the end after I die.

I know already that you cannot handle a future without your best friend; without me. Keke lol.

If I had accepted and become lovers, what would happen to you?

I'll tell you, you would become a wreck.

P, treasure your life, na? You only got one chance to live, so live it well.

Live for those who are alive, for those who you can touch and feel.

Soon, I will be a ghost, just a part of your imagination and nothing more.

Slowly as the years will pass, you will also forget about me. Don't deny it, it will be this way.

If you would have confessed to me months ago, I would have probably said yes without giving it a single thought.

I was so immature back then. The only good thing that this situation I got into taught me, is to appreciate life.

... And now... I'm not even thinking about my future anymore, because I got none. I'm just thinking about yours, and the only person who I can see fit to be by your side is that old woman, P'Weeraya. Ironic because almost half a year ago I used to despise her so much, and here I am now... Trying to be your matchmaker and  a cupid.

Bright, please don't look back. I may be gone physically, but I can still remain in your heart and memories.

This is why I'm also leaving this diary back...

So live your life, don't allow yourself to be held back because of me. I don't want you to do that.

Live, P. Live for me. Live the life that I could not. Just do whatever you like without having any regrets, live your life to the fullest.

Listen to me just this once P, I ask nothing else from you.

Please. Live.

07/11