millie's pov
i hear the doorbell ring and finn gets up to open it. i hold pascal close to my chest, making me feel a bit better as she licks my neck.
"MILLS BABY CAN YOU COME DOWN PLEASE" i hear finn shout as i sigh
i hold pascal, standing up to walk downstairs. i walk down to see the whole gang here and they gave me a small smile.
i tried to smile but i just couldn't. i haven't spoken a word since i left the hospital either.
i look up to finn, signalling for him to explain.
"uh the gang wondered if you wanted to hang? you know watch a movie here?" he explains as i nod
i walk to the couch sitting at the end, curled up into a ball as finn puts a blanket on top of me.
i see sadie turn on netflix and put on tangled. finn cuddles up next to me and pascal was on my chest.
the movie ended and i was just laying there with pascal on my chest and she would lick my neck every now and then.
"mills" finn gets my attention as i turn to him
"you want to get something to eat?" he asks as i shake my head
"you want to go to the carnival? it'll cheer you up" sadie suggest
cheer me up? seriously?
i shake my head
"mills, is there anything you want to do?" noah asks, "millie, we just want you to be-"
"happy?" i finish his sentence, "if you were about to say 'we just want you to be happy' don't! i'm so sick of you guys saying you're just trying to make me happy because guess what? nothing makes me happy! there's one thing that made happy and you fucking ruined it! that was my chance to leave!" i spat as they look at me in disbelief
"mills you don't mean that" sadie says calmly
"oh i fucking do! you guys have no idea how happy i feel when i just think about it. just the thought itself of killing or hurting myself makes me smile. makes me happy because i know i'll be in a better place and all the fucking pain would be gone. i just want to die! i crave to die! i need to die! so stop saying 'you just want me to be happy' because nothing, absolutely nothing can make me feel that way ever again" i shout
i put pascal down before storming out the front door, slamming it shut behind me. i walk towards the cliff and sat at the edge. i look down to see a set of staircases leading to a small waterfall.
i follow the staircase and it leads to this small spot behind the waterfall. it was beautiful.
i sit down, criss crossed as i stare at the clear water falling down.
i close my eyes, listening to the sounds of the water as i smile.
i sat there for hours on end until it turns dark out. i stand up, walking up the stairs and slowly walked back to my house, hugging my torso.
i reached my house and i slowly open the door, hoping no one would see me.
"mills! oh my god!" i hear finn shout as he runs towards me and embraces me in a tight hug
