Letters to Chanyeol

Present Time

"You what?" I asked. My tone was a mixture of annoyed and surprised.

He looked at me with confusion on his face. "Come on, Baek. Don't tell me you didn't even miss me? At all?"

Every single day. Every day since you decided to leave me without a proper explanation.

I nervously laughed. "Uhh no. I was busy with everything. You know, when my book became a hit, I need to do a lot of work and I need to come up with a new story."

"This could be a good book two." He replied as he looked at the menu. He had this naughty smirk on his face that made my blood boil.

He then looked at the waiter to tell his order. Is this what it's like to be moved on? You can easily tell your ex you miss them without crying like an idiot?

"Uh I'm not sure if I'm going to make a book 2." I replied as I changed my attention to the menu in front of me.

He stopped midway his order and turned to me. "What? Why not?"

Before I answer him, I told the waiter my order. I didn't know much about the food here but I guess carbonara was nice so I'm having something safe to eat.

"I want to move on" I looked at him with seriousness in my eyes. He looked at me with worry. He usually does this when I am doing something wrong with my life.

From his expression, I decided to clear my throat. I need to control myself from saying anything stupid. I am not here to beg him to stay. I am here to show him that I moved on and that I am better off without him.

"From the story. I think I want to try a different genre. Maybe suspense?" I tried to smile to lighten the mood but it failed miserably.

"I see." He then started drinking champagne.

Is it me or is he disappointed? But why? All his actions from the moment we saw each other again were confusing for me.

"Why do you want to produce this anyway?" I asked with slight irritation in my tone. This is bad. I need to shut up or I might spout some non-sense.

He placed the glass in the table. "Well, it is a popular book. You sold a million copies. And, of course, it's something special to me too. This was our story after all."

I frowned. Why would it matter? Why would our story matter? It was over. This is what he wanted all along but why does it seem like it isn't?

"Aren't you mad?" I asked even if I was not sure why I am asking that in the first place.

"Come on, Baekhyun. We're not in the past anymore. It's actually amazing that people loved it."

I looked down. Yeah, we're not in the past anymore so I should really move on. Who am I kidding? Seeing Chanyeol here now wasn't a way to move on. Maybe I haven't moved on after all these years.

I moved my chair to stand up. I got my bag and was about to leave when he spoke. "What's wrong?"

Everything was wrong, Chanyeol. Kyungsoo was right. I am still a wreck. Meeting you here was a big mistake. I thought I could face you and make you regret your decision but I was wrong. By the end of the day, it was me who couldn't take it. It was still me who wished that everything was okay.

It was me who wanted you back. It was me who was miserable. It was me who waited for you to change your mind. It was me who still believed that everything will be alright.

"Sorry. I need to be somewhere else" I could feel my tears start to form in my eyes. I need to go. I don't want you to see me cry. I swore to myself that I will never let you win. Never again.

"But we just ordered---"

I didn't bother looking at him and was so ready to leave that I had to say what's on my mind. "I'll pay for it next time."

I couldn't stay here. If I want to work with him, I need to let go of everything. The pain, the regrets, the questions.

I need to stop living in the past.