Letters to Chanyeol

Letter 28

Dear Chanyeol,

The news spread like wildfire. Our mutual friends started contacting me about you and your new girl. Even if I tried to ignore it, I had no choice but to face it. My other friend asked what happened while smile just sent screenshots.

To be honest, I didn't know what to say. At first, I would comment let him be happy, but eventually I grew tired because to be honest, I was sick of lying to myself.

They said you were clingy with her unlike with me. I also noticed that you did the things I taught you with her. You followed her on various social media platforms and even created a Twitter account even though you already have one, the one you made because of me.

You were so proud of her, Chanyeol. You liked boasting about her but you didn't do that with me. Was there something wrong with dating a man? You were the one who wanted me. You were the one who chose me.

I guess when you really love someone, you initiate, right? I didn't know you were capable of those things but now I do. I have always envied your efforts to your exes but you just told me it was nothing.

You told me what you showed me was the real you but when I saw who you were now, I just know that I didn't matter to you. It hurts, Chanyeol. These days I kept thinking, what was so wrong with me? Why can I be loved the way I wanted to?

Why do I have to be hurt like this? Why did you have to lie to me all this time? Why did you have to manipulate me then when I was so in-love with you, you would just leave me?

I don't think I would ever understand. But maybe if you just explained it to me thoroughly, I would've understood. Maybe it would be easier for me to let you go. Maybe if someone came along, I could be better.

But you didn't. After lying to me, you played the victim and blamed everything on me. You immediately started a relationship. In an instant, you were happy while I was stuck here wondering what went wrong.

I wanted to move on, Chanyeol. I wanted to get back on my feet. I wanted to let go of you easily the same way you did with me. I wanted to forget every memory we had. I wanted to smile. I wanted to feel alive. I want to be me before I met you.