Letters to Chanyeol

Letter 15

Dear Chanyeol,

Sure, losing you hurt. But watching you erase me from your life hurt more. You told me you were not like my stupid exes, but here you are, hurting me more than they hurt me. Losing you hurt 1,000 times more than those people.

Maybe because I really thought you were the one. You passed all my standards. You were my match. My family liked you. My friends liked you. You were a good influence on me. You basically made me a better person.

You were everything I ever wanted. Sure, there were rough times especially when you wanted to have your own little world, but those are small things. We can work those things. Someone once told me that everyone has flaws and we have to choose a flaw that we can tolerate. I tolerated your flaws.

I stayed when there were times when it hurt. I chose you when I could just easily leave. I fought for us even when you no longer wanted me.

We didn't have huge fights. We didn't break each other's trust. What we had was workable, Chanyeol. We had flaws or issues sure, but compared to what other couples go through? What we had was just level one. It wasn't a crisis at all.

What we had was special and for you to throw it easily hurt me so much. Watching you throw away something that meant so much to me broke me into pieces.

You know what's worse? You didn't tell me why. You didn't tell me what I can do about it. All you said that it wasn't my fault but that was bullshit, right? You told me we could keep in touch but you never messaged me. You told me we can play together but you never invited me. You cut me out of your life. It was so easy for you.

And that what hurts. It was basically watching you turn me into a stranger when all I wanted was to be a part of your future.