Letters to Chanyeol

Letter 13

Dear Chanyeol,

I couldn't explain what I was feeling. I thought we were okay. Sure, there was a bit distance but that doesn't mean you can easily give up on us.

I know I'm not perfect but am I that complicated for you to just let me go?

I kept thinking of possible reasons why it would lead up to this. Did something happen? Did I do something wrong? Why did you not find a reason to stay? Why was it so easy for you to let go?

I wanted to call you and ask you why but I got scared. I know this feeling. I know what happens when people break up. I have been through this so many times already. But this time, the situation was different because I was the one who got dumped.

In my past relationships, I thought that I'd hold the crown if I was the one who ended the relationship. I thought I'd be cooler. But I realized that moving on was difficult if I was the one who gave up. Besides, I really thought you were the one so I stayed. I gave my all in this so when you let go, I didn't know what to do. I was lost.

I tried to control myself but eventually, I went to your place. Your mom liked me and she didn't even ask why I was suddenly there despite the fact that we just met at the park.

"Is Chanyeol here?"

She pointed at the second floor, where your room was. I immediately head there to find you busy compiling my gifts.And for the second time, I was speechless. You turned to me like you expected me to rush there.

My heart tore again as I watched you. Why was this so easy for you? How can you move and think? Why can't I be the same? "Are you... cutting me off?"

You shaked your head, "No. I respect you and I love you. I'm not gonna cut you off. I might not remove the relationship status too"

I wanted to ask more. But then you spoke again, "Will you cut me off?" This was the first time you sounded sad but it was nothing like what I was feeling.

"No... Isn't there anything I can do to fix this?" I was waiting for you to say it, to change your mind but you didn't. I wanted you to give me something so I could understand why you left.

"No. It's better this way. It's best that we do this now than regret. We'll still be friends. We can even played games together when we're both okay."

I clinged to those words. But you lied to me, Chanyeol. You lied.