Letters to Chanyeol

Present Time

I couldn't help myself. I wanted to stop and move away, but my body wasn't listening to me. I missed this. I missed his touch. I missed his lips. I missed him.

When he pulled away to catch his breath, he looked at my eyes. He had the same look he had 3 years before.

"Chanyeol..." I say in between my breaths. Indeed, it's been so long since I was kissed like this or even kissed in general.

"I... I..." He was looking for the right words to answer me but he looked so surprised as well.

"Why..." I tried to ask him. Why did you do that, Chanyeol? Why did you come back? Why did you leave me in the first place?

He moved away. He held his head as if thinking of his next move. His face was covered in confusion.

"I tried to stay away..." He answered in a low regretful tone. I hated seeing him like this.

I wanted to hold him, to grab him, and to hug him. But my body wasn't moving. Seeing him like this remind me of that day. Reminded me of the day he decided to let go of our future.

"I'm sorry Baekhyun. I wanted to apologize but you look so sad..." He said and turned to me. I frowned with his sudden statement. Suddenly, all of my care disappeared.

"What do you think of me?" Once again, I find myself being angry at him but more angry at myself. How could I possibly think that he cared about me? Why am I still expecting that he would apologize and come back?

"What?" He asked. His hands were still on his head.

"You can't.. just go here and do this.." I replied with a frown. I looked away as I could feel my heart start to beat fast in anger.

"I know. I'm sorry. I should just leave..."

I looked at him as he didn't wait for my response and just left the room. And that was it. For the second time of our lives, I watched him walk away. I let him slip right through my fingers.

Everything came back. The pain, the sadness, the regrets. What's the meaning of that passionate kiss? Am I a toy he could just play with? I worked so hard to stand up on my own now to find myself falling again.

All those years of trying to forget him, now gone. I could feel my chest tighten. This was too much. Why does he have to come back? Why did I agree to all of this? Why did I kiss him back?

I was about to go to the shower when the door opened again. I turned to see Chanyeol looking confused. He looked like he ran up here as his perspiration was flowing in his cheeks.

"I want... to be back in your life, Baekhyun"