Psycho-Pass: Coping Mechanisms

Part 14 : Better Friend

PART 14 – Better Friend

------- back then --------

Her Psycho Pass rapidly deteriorated. She was emotionally, physically and psychologically drained... and all the events finally affected her mental state. The meds helped to a certain point... but that point was leading to constant state of feeling numb... or just feeling nothing. The emptiness would fill her mind, rendering her unable to study, think, eat... to live. Despite the circumstances, she was still forcing herself to go to school for a while.

"Shizu... you look ill. Are you okay?" Kaori would ask, worried about her.

"Fine, I am fine... I've just been staying up late."

"At this rate, you'll get sick. You should go home and take care of your health," Sayo noted.

In the corridor, she'd meet Ginoza. She could recognize his silhouette among hundreds of others... but she wouldn't look at him. Not after that. It was too painful. Somewhere next to Ginoza, there was usually Kogami, or Aoyanagi Risa. Shizuka wasn't looking at either one of them, not wanting to start any kind of conversation. She didn't have anything to say to them. Or pretend that she was fine when she wasn't. She just couldn't fake it anymore.

At home, she would take her standard mixture of pills to treat her hue. Mio, her little sister, was very worried those days.

"Shizu, I am terrified. I've never seen you like this before."

Mio was just twelve then. She was still living with their grandparents, for her school was closer to their house... and Shizuka was living alone in their parents' apartment.

"Don't be afraid, Mio. I'll be fine. It's just a piled up stress from learning so many different things, but I am already better and I will go back to my normal self very soon. Until then, take care of grandpa and grandma for me. And, take care of your hue too. Promise me."

"Pinky-swear," Mio told her, so she did. Mio was all about pinky swears back then. Her gentle green eyes were filled with tears. Shizuka wiped them off.

"Mentally strong, remember? I will get better soon, and you can come home again. Until then, we will be on our communicators. Okay?"

"I will call you every day!" the strawberry redhead squeezed her sister's upper body, hugging her. Shizuka caressed her hair, and hugged her tighter.

She was feeling guilty for affecting her sister's hue... and her grandparent's hues too... but she wasn't able to do anything else but to forcefully smile, speak a few words of comfort to her remaining family... and once they were gone, take her pills, lie down, and go sleep.

She wasn't able to use her imagination. It was difficult to dream about better situations, to think about the best possibilities. Due to pills, her escapism didn't work. But, even without meds, the reality was harder than any self-delusion she could create to enable a safe harbor and escape her dark thoughts. Immersing herself in drawing didn't help either. Suddenly, the electromagnetic battery charges, circuits, cables, all the mechanical components... were reduced to something trivial. They didn't matter. Engineering seemed useless, with so many drones that were doing most of the stuff in technology development. Humans were slowly becoming replaced by the machines even in creative demeanor.
The first week, she couldn't get up from her bed. She missed her classes, telling Kaori and Sayo that she was ill in order to avoid explaining. Their hues might get affected as well, so there was no point in spreading the hue contamination. But, she was depressed. She had to report to the nearest institution for treatment. She had to talk about her hue, and she hated it.

"How long has your hue been this dark, Akibara-chan?" the psychologist wanted to know. She looked in his soft eyes, and felt nothing. No empathy, no liking, or disliking. She was empty.