Psycho-Pass: Coping Mechanisms

Part 20 : Empathy's Paradox

PART 20 – Empathy's Paradox

--------back then--------

"You were supposed to fight this," her voice was dry; she was choking on her own words. Tears were sliding down her cheeks, but at that time, they didn't reach him. Nothing could reach him for a while. His crime coefficient rose above the critical point, but he didn't feel anything about it. He was just... numb, drowning in apathy. He thought if he waited long enough, the abyss would consume him... and he would be alright with that too. But she wasn't. She couldn't accept his demotion at all.

With Sasayama, he lost an integral part of himself. Unable to go back to who he was, even for her.

He was just sitting by her hospital bed, unable to talk. Unable to even look at her. She was squeezing her sheets in frustration, with her teeth clenched, her eyes filled with raw pain.

I am sorry...

Shinya wasn't able to say a single thing.

"I asked you to treat your hue," she reminded him of it. "I begged, and begged... and I tried my best to influence you in a positive way. Psychologically, emotionally. I gave my best... for what? For you to just... throw away... all that we had? And, for what... for something you aren't even sure of? For mere... speculations? For some random stranger, accidentally caught on Mitsuru's phone? Kozaburo Toma is behind the Specimen case. It's over. Shinya... why can't you drop it? Would you please look at me?"

He did. It was a slow, painful gaze. She was desperate.

"You started thinking like a latent criminal. Even with a closed case, you still search for clues. What are you looking for? What's the point?" her voice sounded a bit squeamish. Very much unlike how she usually spoke.

And he still couldn't answer. He just sighed, putting his hands on his knees. The bracelet he recently got from higher-ups felt like a shackle on his wrist. Aching. Reminding him of his new cage. And the loss of his freedom.

"There isn't one," he uttered, leaning against the cold surface. "I'm afraid there's no point."

She covered her mouth, stopping the sobs that violently shook her body. She was forcing herself to stop crying, lowering her head in shame. It wasn't time to get hysterical. She needed to stay calm if she didn't want her own crime coefficient to rise even higher. It was pretty high at that point. Any disturbance, yet alone something of this caliber, could permanently send her over the edge. She suppressed her pain. Her sobs. She tried her best to calm herself.

All that time... Shinya's expression hasn't changed.

"What am I to do with that?" she asked once she calmed down. "What am I to do with the fact that you chose to pursue something that doesn't have a solid base... and refused to treat yourself?"

When his weary eyes finally met hers, it felt like the man she knew drastically changed. Aged. Got darker. Like he wasn't even the same person she used to know. This was a stranger, sitting by her bed, looking at his fists, curved on top of his thighs. Heavy sigh abandoned his lips, right before they formed the words that would completely break her heart.

"I am... done, Shizuka."

What he wanted to say... was something else.

No, I am not. We aren't done. I just need time. Please.

His tone was calm. Deep. Everything in him seemed empty... numb... and foreign. And very hard to reach. Her wail echoed throughout the room, then died in the unbearable silence. After that... she felt very calm. Frozen, she hoped he'd not keep talking. For she knew his words would destroy the little hope she had left for them.