Psycho-Pass: Coping Mechanisms

Part 41 : Nihil Novi

PART 41 - Nihil Novi (Nothing New)

Kogami put his latest half-smoked cigarette in the ashtray, hoping Shizuka got a bit better after they talked. She watched the smoke rising from the tip, and she also looked towards the pile of all the smoked cigarettes nearby. All those stubs were from that day, meaning... that Shinya was really intense.

"You increased the amount, huh? Just how many are in there? Thirty? Forty, even?" she asked, thinking how burdened he actually was underneath all layers of dry humor and all commendable consideration he has shown for her so far.

"I stopped counting, really," he simply responded. "But, probably a bit more than thirty at this point."

Why did he always opt to tell her the truth, though? Couldn't he just lie? Then again... it was hard to lie to her. Not only because she was intuitive... but because she had that honesty that he didn't want to tarnish by telling lies to her. They agreed on it long ago. Always tell the truth... no matter how painful. She followed that vow to a letter. They both did. It's what meant to have a friend and a lover in one person.

"You are going to get nicotine poisoning or something even worse if you keep smoking that much," she softly expressed her concern.

"It's kind of nostalgic... hearing you say it," he smiled. He was grateful she never tried to influence him to quit, though. She would tell him off from time to time, but she understood the importance of having a coping mechanism. Like escapism did it for her... Kogami needed to cope by smoking. That's why she never insisted on making him stop, not even for her sake. He was an active smoker, which made her a passive one. He could damage her hue merely through association. And yet... she never complained about it.

The fact her hue didn't cloud from it meant she really understood. He appreciated it. He appreciated her attempts at small talk. It was safe. Safer than addressing taboo themes like... sex with Nobuchika.

In that moment... Kogami wasn't aware that he squeezed his hand into a fist. To think she almost had sex with someone other than him... and especially with Gino... bothered him a lot more than he was willing to show to... well, anyone. On the outside, he acted cool. He showed pragmatic consideration, for all three of them were, for the most part, logical, practical people. However... Kogami understood Gino's viewpoint, because his best friend was right about one thing – that Kogami wasn't exactly the sharing type as he presented himself to be for the sake of her hue. Even Shizuka was aware of it, and precisely because of that, she felt terrible... not to mention guilty.

All three seem to understand feelings of the other two, but they struggled with how to react around each one individually, trying their best to be rational and cool-headed. Because that's what meant to resolve conflicts as adults. Only it wasn't that simple... and it will never be. If they could all ignore their basic needs and keep acting like nothing was happening, they'd end up deluding themselves, and risk all their hues indefinitely. Like they already were.

"I am sorry about this all. I know it must be really frustrating to you."

She picked up the cigarette from the ashtray and slowly drew a smoke. He watched as the tip burned some more as her lips tightened around the filter, leaving dark lipstick print on it. It's been a while since she did that. She didn't really enjoy nicotine, but it was stress-relieving to have a cigarette or two from time to time. She was living with a smoker for years; she had to modify some of her basic rules. She didn't use to smoke before, she didn't use to drink... but, in time, all those rules bent.

"I would be lying if I said it wasn't," he stated. Now he could... because she was very calm.

Kogami kept his gaze on her a bit longer than he intended to. She exhaled the smoke, looking at shapes it made. If it wasn't harmful... it would almost feel meditative. That's why it was so... soothing... to smoke.