South park oneshots

Stanman - When you put it like that

Request by PokemineFoxCatBrookF and y3etm3pls

" AT LEAST I DONT LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WHALE! " Kyle screamed as Cartman felt hot tears sting at his eyes.  Eric turned away,  pushing past the crowd that had gathered as he felt himself start to cry.  " Alright shows over fuckers" Kenny frowned,  waving everyone away and shaking his head. Kyle shook angrily as he tried to steady his breathing.  " I got Kyle,  you go deal with Eric" Kenny said quietly to Stan,  placing a comforting hand on Kyles shoulder. Stan nodded,  following after their friend.  " CARTMAN?  CARTMAN! " He yelled as he tried to figure out where he had gone.  He bit his lip,  frowning when he heard faint sniffling from behind a wall.  He turned the corner,  a sympathetic expression on his face when he was met with Eric,  curled up into a ball on the floor as he cried quietly to himself.  Stan leant against the wall next to him,  sliding down it so that he was on the floor too.  " Hey dude,  its ok" Stan said softly as Cartman leant his head on his shoulder,  crying a little louder.  " Do I..  Do I..  Do I really look like a whale? " Cartman sniffled as Stan wrapped an arm over his shoulder,  hugging him comfortingly. " No dude, you know what Kyles like,  he says stuff he doesn't mean when he gets mad. " Stan reassured him,  rubbing small circles into his arm soothingly. " I guess yo-you're right" Cartman hiccupped as his tears started to stop.  " When am I wrong? " Stan smiled,  standing up and holding a hand out to Eric.  " Let's go get you a milkshake" He offered,  grinning when Cartmans face lit up a little and he nodded. " Why didn't you go with Kyle?  I thought you two were like gay for each other or something. " Cartman joked as they walked.  " Nah,  plus,  Kenny doesn't get you like I do. " Stan smiled warmly,  making Cartman blush as he felt a weird tingly feeling in his chest. " Why,  would you rather I was Kenny? " Stan chuckled,  making Cartman shake his head.  " Anyone but that pervy tangerine" He giggled,  making Stan smile at how he seemed to have perked up.  They walked into the cafe,  a sigh escaping Cartmans lips as he breathed in the sweet smell of vanilla. " What flavour you gonna get? " Stan asked as he looked through the glass counter at what they had on display.  " I wanna get the neapolitan one" Cartman smiled,  pointing at the picture of the ice cream topped milkshake. " You know what,  me too. " Stan agreed,  taking out his wallet.  Cartman felt in his pocket,  about to take out his own money when Stan smiled at him.  " I got it " He said,  Cartman looking up at him with sparkles in his eyes and a open mouth. To Eric,  someone buying food for him was like the ultimate act of kindness. When Cartman had snapped out of it,  he looked over at a pie behind the glass.  His mouth watered as he licked his lips. " Staaaaaaaaan~? " He whined.  Stan hummed in response,  looking over to see Cartmans pleading expression.  " So you know how I'm like really sadddd~? " He began,  making Stan laugh as he rolled his eyes.  " Yes I will buy you some pie too" He chuckled,  making Cartman squeak excitedly. " Thank you!!! " He grinned. " Go find us a table,  I'll order everything. " Stan laughed at how excited Cartman looked. Cartman quickly found a two seated table, hopping up onto one of the chairs happily. He made popping noises with his mouth while he waited for Stan, chewing his lip thoughtfully as he looked at the empty seat. It kind of looked like he and Stan were having a date. He frowned, pulling the chair closer towards his side of the table so that Stan would be next to him rather than opposite. There, much less gay, Cartman smiled proudly to himself. While he waited, he found himself wondering whether Stan was gay. He couldn't be right? He dated Wendy for all that time. Then again, Cartman had dated Heidi. Eric's eyes widened as he blushed at what he was thinking. Of course he had dated Heidi he was straight! Right? He groaned, burying his face in his hands at the thought. Who was he kidding, he was about as straight as Kyles jew fro. He scowled at the memory of the ginger. " Hey, I'm back" Stan smiled, Cartman looking up as his face instantly transformed. The scowl melted away as his mouth hung open at the sight before him. The light spilled through the widow behind his friend, making him look like an angel. His eyes were narrowed slightly because of the smile, and his perfect teeth and dimples were on display. It didn't help that his hair was falling adorably over his face, or the fact that he was holding Cartman's favorite thing in the world; food. Cartman turned a deep shade of red, burying his face into his hands as he mumbled something about an angel. Stan chuckled, the noise sending chills down Cartman's back. Fuck. He was definitely gay. " Here, have some pie, food always cheers you up" Stan offered, taking a seat as he pushed the slice towards Eric. Cartman looked up, stuffing his fork into the pie and shoving it past his lips, eyes widening when the taste hit his tongue. Stan leant on his hand, smiling at the way Cartmans cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk as he ate. They looked so squishy. He just wanted to- " What are you doing?" Cartman mumbled through a mouthful. Stan felt his face heat up when he looked at his hand, realising that he was subconsciously reaching out to squish his friends cheeks. " Oh! Uh, nothing! You just had some uh.. Some pie on your cheek!" Stan saved himself, sighing with relief when Cartman seemed to buy it, turning his attention back towards the food. Stan sipped on the milkshake,  smiling happily.  " Woah,  this was a good choice" He said,  motioning towards the drink. " Yea,  I know my food,  its a talent" Cartman smirked proudly. The two drank,  chatting happily for a while, before Stan looked down,  chewing the straw as he swirled it around in the cream the bottom of his cup.  " Cartman.. I.. " He began,  voice becoming dramatically softer and more serious,  sighing when he realised he couldn't say what he wanted. " What? " Cartman asked,  staring at Stan impatiently.  " Its nothing" Stan smiled weakly.  " Look dude you obviously have something to say,  stop being a pussy. " Cartman frowned,  the last word making Stan wince a little.  " Its just uh..  My friend,  he uh..  He has a crush on my other friend..  And he doesn't know whether he is gay or if he likes him back. " Stan blushed.  " Wait what?  Who?  Is it Kenny?  Its Kenny isn't it. " Cartman asked,  looking interested. " Uh..  Lets not worry about who the people are." Stan chuckled nervously.  " Well just tell him to go for it.  Worst comes to worse he gets rejected. " Cartman shrugged. As the words left his mouth,  he realised that he was right. Maybe he should take his own advice and tell Stan how he was feeling. " Well uh..  The friend with the crush might be uh..  Me. " Stan blushed,  looking away and not seeing the hurt flash in Erics eyes. " Who the fuck is the other friend then " Cartman snarled,  his tone suddenly angry.  Stan felt his heart drop. " Stan,  who is it? " Cartman asked again,  his voice cracking making Stan look up at him. He had tears in his eyes, looking more upset than angry. " What's wrong? " Stan asked in confusion.  " Oh I don't know,  maybe its because my friend just found out that his crush is in love with some one else. " Cartman scowled bitterly.  " Wait Cartman you-" Stan began,  before Eric stood up abruptly.  " You know what.  Just don't.  Thanks for the pie. " Cartman frowned,  about to leave before he felt someone tug at his arm as Stans chair screeched. " Stan I said-" He began,  interrupted when he turned around and Stan smashed their lips together. "... Don't. " Cartman finished breathlessly,  staring wide eyed back at his friend. " It's you" Stan panted,  his heart thumping in his ears. " Its... Me? " Cartman asked quietly,  his voice sounding uncharacteristically vulnerable and soft. Stan nodded, biting his lip as he waited for Cartmans reaction. A smile slowly spread across Cartmans face as he looked towards Stan.  Stan yelped as Cartman kissed him suddenly,  shocking him. " I was talking about us too " Cartman grinned,  making Stan laugh.  " I know that dumbass" He rolled his eyes. " So,  wanna go see how Kennys doing? " Stan offered,  holding out a hand. Cartman nodded,  lacing their fingers together. " I'm gonna go rub this in the dumb Jews face" He grinned,  making Stan frown at him disapprovingly. " What?  I'm proud of you!  I wanna show you off to everyone. " Cartman defended himself,  making Stan blush little.  " Well I guess its not so bad when you put it like that" Stan chuckled,  kissing Cartmans hand as the two left to go make up with their friends.