Destined by Stars

Chapter 35

When the days are dark, hold on to your light and you will be able to find your way back where everything is bright and shining.

A place  where your heart is at ease and your mind is in peace. A place where your problems doesn't exists; only pure happiness and contentment.

A place that you can call home.

But because of what I did, I lost my home. My light in the dark and my peace.

I lost him because of my unwise and reckless decisions. I lost him because I chose to make a decision without thinking the consequences. I made a decision with an unstable mind and unsure feelings.

The night he left, I was wrecked and a mess. Walking around in the middle of a cold night with nowhere to go. No direction and with a shattered heart.

Hot pool of tears were streaming down my face but no one saw it. The dark night made it possible for me to cry without no one noticing.

I was crying while my knees were on the floor when he left. Nothing could make me stop from crying. Even Marie's sweet voice was useless on making me stop.

I got up without taking their hand as a help. I got up on my own to follow him...but I was late. He was already nowhere to be seen when I reached the ground.

I walked for a few hours until I saw a kids playground. When I sat at the swing, I immediately felt the tiredness that I was not able to feel while walking.

My feet became numb as I sat there.

There was no one there except for me. Only the cold blow of the wind and swinging tress were my companion together with some streetlights.

I raised my head to see the stars but I got disappointed. Even the stars left me together with him. It was only the moon shining above but its presence was not enough to comfort me.

I need the stars but I guess...they hate me.

But what saddened me the most is the realization that that night...I lost the most beautiful star that I had ever seen.

I lost the star that was always my light in the dark.

And now, I am left with nothing but a shattered heart.

But who am I to cry and get sad? This was all my fault. I have no one to blame but my own self. This is all because of me and my dumb mind.

I love him but I lost him.

He was already at my reach. He was already mine. He was already at arms but my grasp of him loosened because of a wrong thinking.

I was blinded with the promise of forever that Kenzo gave me when we were young at the past, without realizing that the promise of eternity that the present gave me is more beautiful than the past.

I chose to live with the promise of the past than to focus with beauty of the present.

I was so dumb and I regret it.

"I know that this is a stupid question but, are you fine now?" I was preoccupied with the sad thoughts that I didn't even noticed Kenzo's presence.

He sat beside me and offered me an avocado shake. I want to smile but I can't.

"Paano ako magiging maayos kung ang taong minahal ako ng sobra ay sinaktan ko?" Nakatulala lang akong nakatitig sa sunflower sa aking harap na tumitingala sa araw.

Sabi niya noon ay ako ang araw niya na nagbibigay enerhiya at buhay sa kanya, pero dahil sa nangyari ay nasabi ko na hindi ako araw.

Ako ay isang bagyo na sumira sakanya. Itinuring niya ako bilang araw pero ipinaulanan ko siya ng kidlat...