Dangerous

Chapter 31

Serena's POV

"You're so stupid, Serena, so stupid!" Josh exclaimed.

I nodded and kept on listening to him going on and on about how stupid I was and how I could've killed myself but what he didn't realise is that I did it to myself, I harmed myself but I wasn't going to say anything, this was my secret and a secret that I'm planning on keeping.

"Serena are you even listening to me!" He yelled and I looked over at Jacob who looked very sick of listening to Josh's rant.

"Yes I'm listening Josh," I sighed and he hit me across the head once again, "Can you seriously stop with the hitting!"

"You're just an idiot seriously, you're not going anywhere without somebody being around you because all you seek to do is cause trouble in one way or another,"

I growled frustrated and to make everything even more perfect Demi walked in.

"Serena you could've killed yourself!" she yelled.

"Hi babe," I smiled up at her which earned another slap across the head from Josh.

I rolled my eyes and stood up, I walked outside to the verandah and lit up a cigarette as I could still hear them going on and on about the events that took place.

"Serena seriously what were you thinking?" Jacob asked lighting up his own cigarette.

"I don't know Jacob, I really don't," I said to him.

There was a moment of silence between us and I kept replaying the thoughts that we're going trough my mind in that moment. How I thought the world and everybody who knows me would be better off without me.

"Tell me honestly was it an accident or on purpose?"

I thought about the question although I knew the answer, I still thought about it.

"Jacob you know the answer to that," I said.

"The answer to what?" Demi asked and I rolled my eyes at my bad luck today.

"Nothing," Jacob said trying to cover for me.

Demi eyed me knowing that there was something I wasn't telling her or anybody for that matter and I knew she was upset and disappointed that I was hiding something from her but I also knew she would be even more disappointed knowing that I tried to take my own life.

"I'm going to see mom, dad and Reagan," I said.

***

"Reagan, I wish you were still here, I need you so much, you don't even understand but you're not here and still I haven't been able to accept that," I said whilst sitting at her grave stone.

I usually come here when I need to talk to my parents or Reagan because these are the people who understood me just as much as Josh, Jacob and Britt now understand me.

"I love Demi and I know I've told her before but I didn't know if I 100% did before and I'm still not sure," I explained.

"I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, in a small way I'm a different person thanks to her however I keep pushing her away and keeping things to myself, I'm just scared, unsure and typically not the kind of person Demi deserves,"

I stopped talking as I heard light footsteps crunching through the grass, approaching me and I saw the girl whom has turned my world upside down in a good way and made me question so many things.

"Demi," I said.

"Serena," she responded sitting next to me.

I looked back to Reagan's grave stone and I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I remembered the memories of the both of us, so happy and so in love.

"Talk to me," Demi whispered, "Im here for you,".

I looked over at Demi and that's when she noticed the tears spilling down my face and took me into her loving arms, holding me tight and making me feel the love, warmth and protection that she provided for me.

"Serena what's going on in that beautiful mind?".

"I don't even know Demi, I don't even know,".

She nodded and stood up, helping me up along the way, "Lets take you home to bed," she said.

Demi's POV

On the drive back to Serena's place she fell into a deep and needed sleep. Once we reached her house I carried her out from the car and into the house and straight to her bed. I took off her shoes and tucked her in comfortably.

"Good night beautiful," I whispered and softly pressed my lips onto her forehead.

She was so beautiful and so angelic, I wish she could see that, how beiato full she is on the inside and the outside.

I also wish she would open up to me and talk to me, tell me what was running through her mind, tell me what happened the previous night and tell me many more of her deep thoughts. However, I'm being patience, like Josh said. I don't want to push her too far in this 'relationship', I want to take it at whatever pace she wants just as long as I know that we're both in it for the long run that's all I need to keep myself happy.

***

Serena's POV

The sun broke through my windows, shining through and making sure to wake me up. I glanced at the time to see it was only 7:00 but in any case I decided to get up.

I went downstairs to see Demi fast asleep on the lounge, looking adorable with her messed up hair and beautiful natural face.

I smiled to myself and walked straight to the kitchen where I was greeted by the two boys, Josh and Jacob.

"What happened on that night Serena?" Josh asked for perhaps the millionth time and as I rolled my eyes he stood up and held a tight grip on my arm, "Serena tell me,".

"Josh it doesn't matter!" I exclaimed.

"It does matter when you don't come home and were running around looking for you in the middle of the night and then Jacob finds you nearly dead! Nearly dead Serena! Imagine if we didn't go looking for you, then you would've been dead!" he yelled.

"Good, then you shouldn't have come looking for me," I muttered but loud enough for the boys and even Demi who just appeared to hear.

There was a silence in the kitchen as my words sunk in to their minds and then it clicked as I saw the sadness in their eyes appear," It wasn't an accident," Demi said.

"No it wasn't It was self inflicted," I said.

"You were trying to kill yourself?" Josh asked.

"I wouldn't say I was trying to kill myself but I think if I did go that far I simply wouldn't care,".

I looked over to Jacob who had his head down, not even looking at me or anybody else, Josh whom looked like he was about to cry and Demi who did have a couple of years rolling down her beautiful face.

"Why?" Demi croaked.

"Because Demi, I'm a fuck up, don't you see that, I deserve none of youse, nothing, all I do is push people away and hurt them when all I want to do is show them how much I love them and how much I need them but then I remember everything that's already happened in my life, all the loss and the pain and I remember how much that killed me and how much I never want to go through any of that again so that is why I don't let anybody in, because I don't want them to fuck me over so I do before they have the chance too, so Demi run as far away from me as you can because I'm a fuck up!"

More tears were now streaming down Demi's face as Josh an Jacob just stood there in shock of what was currently taking place right before their very eyes.

"You're not a fuck up, you're not Serena! I love you and I love you for all of you, your past, your scars, everything!"

I looked down at my sleeves and for the first time I lifted them up and showed them to Demi and the boys as they gasped at the sight, "Do you still love me now!" I yelled as tears now started falling from my face.

***

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