My First Real Crush [Larry Stylinson]

*27*

Harry Styles

My eyes were almost glued together as I tried to peer them open. The dried tears sealed them together like super glue. They finally cracked open as the light from the lake-side view shined into them. I flipped my arm in front of me to grab on to Louis and pull him closer, but felt my heart sink the moment my arm hit the empty bed. Oh right...

I slowly pulled myself into a sitting up position, and draped my legs over the side of the bed. I had fallen asleep in my clothes from last night and felt immediately disgusting as I stood up and felt the dirty fabric against me. Physically dirty from being worn all day and night and emotionally dirty from experiencing what had happened last night. I stripped them off as I stepped into the shower. I had slowly peered my head out of my room to make sure Louis wasn't in sight, and then quietly snuck to the bathroom. I did NOT want to run into Louis. Not now, not ever.

I stood with my head down under the running water, letting my curls loosen under the weight of the waterfall. I was expecting to break down and cry at any second, but no tears formed. I had cried so much the night before that I was sort of numb now. It's probably a good thing. Being numb was better than being sad.

After washing my hair and body, I stepped out of the shower, dried myself off, and wrapped the towel around my waist. Before heading back to my room, I was caught off guard by my reflection in the mirror. Sunken eyes, black circles, drooping mouth. I looked broken. I am broken. I'm so ugly.

I shook it off and peered my head out the door to make sure the hallway was empty. Louis' door was closed like it had been earlier today, so I assumed he was still sleeping. I quickly raced into my room and locked the door behind me. I jumped on the bed, realizing how fast my heart was beating.

How did everything change so fast?

I dropped the towel and climbed under my sheets. I wasn't sure what I was going to do for the rest of the day but right now I just wanted to lay naked, under my sheets, staring at the ceiling, remembering every little thing that happened this past week. Even though it eventually broke me, I don't ever want to forget it.

20 minutes go by of me just staring at the ceiling.  Eyes dry from yesterday's overuse, and mind clogged of every little interaction we had shared these past days.  

I realized how pathetic I was being and that I needed to get myself together and prove that I'm not as broken as I actually am.  Just the thought of him knowing that I'm locked up in my room, trying to avoid him as much as possible because of how upset I was, made me cringe.  No, I don't want Louis to think I'm weak.  I'm not weak.

I stood from my bed and pulled a pair of joggers on and slid a striped T-shirt over my torso.  Why is it so tight?

Well that's awkward, it's Louis's.

I almost tear the shirt off as I scramble to find one of my own.  If I wasn't so numb, I would've probably broken down just then from the mere scent of Louis's natural smell that was left on the shirt, but since I don't think it's possible for a tear to even form from my dry eyes, I continue with getting ready to do something I still hadn't come up with.

Once I was all cleaned up, I slowly opened the door and peaked my head out.  I caught myself in the act and realized I was counteracting my "I'm not weak" motto, so I flung the door open and stood up straight in the doorway.  

Thank God.

Louis was nowhere to be seen, and his door was still closed.  I stepped quietly down the stairs and towards the kitchen.  Empty, perfect.  I scavenged through the cabinets looking for something quick to eat because I knew I wanted to get out of the house.  I remembered the groceries I had bought yesterday.  Shit, I hadn't put them away.