[COMPLETED] [CRACK-FIC HUMOUR]
In which James Sirius Potter and Fred Arthur Weasley II discover a time turner, to try and help Tom Marvolo Riddle II loosen up. It's just a fun little time travelling journey, with our family and friends, what could p...
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1995 - The Dursleys are here, oh shit-
"So, can you explain my relationship with the Dursleys, in the future?" Harry asked his son, Albus II as father and son walked back to the Dursley's house.
"In the future, Grandma Petunia bakes us biscuits every Christmas, or on special occasions in general and we sometimes visit Aunt Cho and Uncle Dudely. Uncle Vernon, however, is still quite grumpy..." Albus II explained as they neared the house. Harry was quite surprised by that answer; it seems that his relationship with his cousin and Aunt had become... better.
Of course, Uncle Vernon was still probably as grumpy as ever.
"Well, that's a surprise. Wait a second, aren't they going to be frightened seeing the two of us?" Harry blinked at he looked at his identical son. Everything was the same, from the same messy hair to the height of both father and son. Hell, they were even as scrawny as each other. The only difference was that Albus II could see without any lenses to save his life, and Harry was a blind-ass bitch.
"I have a plan!" Albus II whispered into Harry's ear the mischievous plan. Harry smirked as he waited outside and his son stepped into the Dursley's household.
"Boy, are you back?! I want you to clean the dishes by the sink now!" Petunia ordered as Albus II walked in.
"Move out of the way!" Dudley shoved Albus II out of the doorway and the scrawny boy hit the floor with a thud.
"Alright, fatass," Albus II retorted and the Dursley members stopped. They had never heard Harry Potter utter a swear word in their lives. Suddenly, Dudley started to float upwards and his parents stared in horror.
"DAD, GET YOUR FLAT ASS IN HERE!" Albus II screamed as Harry jumped through the living room window from outside.
"B-But, there's two-" Vernon looked terrified as he stared at both Albus II and Harry.
"I don't have a flat ass, mind you-" Harry was about to retort but he was interrupted by Albus II. "Son, how the heck did you-"
"HE'S YOUR SON?!" Petunia shrieked as Vernon tried to reach for his son but he fell back on his fat arse and landed on the floor with the biggest thud. The author, who was outside the house, really thought that an earthquake had occurred in the area.
"Dad, he's about to hit the ceiling, hE's AbOuT tO hIt ThE cEiLiNg, DaD- OH MY GOD HE'S ABOUT TO HIT THE CEILING!" Albus II shook Harry. Suddenly, Albus' II phone rang and he answered the face time, Lily's II face was projected like a hologram from the phone and Petunia almost fainted at the replica of her sister.
"Albus? What the hell is going on?" Lily II asked.
"DUDLEY'S WEAVE GOT STUCK ON THE FAN, AND HE'S ABOUT TO PROPEL AT FULL SPEED AND YEET OUT OF THE GOD DAMN WINDOW!" Albus II yelled. But then Dudely fell to the floor with a thud and both Potters looked at the large boy, who was being babied by his parents. Albus II hung up the call.
"You have a lot to explain!" Vernon yelled at the two.
"We have nothing to do with what just happened. That was all Lord Voldemort's doing," Harry shrugged and the three Muggles stopped in their tracks again. Petunia looked at the two boys with terror painted in her eyes. Of course, they had no idea that they were both lying.
"Keep your head up, Dudely," Albus II stood in front of the boy and looked down at him, "Your wig is about to fall off."
"How are there two of you?!" Dudely questioned. Albus II and Harry looked at each other as if they didn't know the answer themselves.
"I'm his time-travelling son from the future, lol," Albus II shrugged. Petunia and Vernon looked at each other and then back at their nephew's future son. With that, both Potters walked through the doorway and walked up the stairs at the same time. It was so synchronised that the author really thought that she was writing another version of The Shining.
"WHAT IS THAT!" Harry screamed as he whipped out his wand, feeling something graze his leg.
"Don't worry, it's just Scorpius' dick," Albus II shrugged, walking into his father's room.
Harry blinked, "Oh my, you boyfriends has a pretty big weenie..."
"Rose's spell did work! I knew we could count on her!" Albus II smiled as he saw that their luggage had already appeared in the room. Harry beamed brightly as he walked into his room. "Hey, dad? Do you want to go to the corner shop together? How much do you have?" Albus II asked.
Harry took out the change from his pocket, "69 pence."
Albus II sniggered, "You know what that means..."
"We don't have enough for chicken nuggets..." Harry frowned.
"Yeah... That's sad..." Albus II sighed. In a span of two seconds, both father and son went from crack-heads to depresso-espresso.
"So, are you both going to the corner shop or not?" the author asked but the two boys stood dumbly in silence. "Oh yeah- I need to write them going to the corner shop. My bad," The author apologised to the reader, who just rolled their eyes and continued to read on.
"Okay, let's go!" Albus II jumped out of the opened window and somehow landed on his feet. The reader and the author glanced at each other, quite impressed.
"How did you-?!" Harry also got pushed out of the window by the reader and somehow also landed on his feet.
"Meow," Albus II Naruto-ran down the street and Harry ran after his son, in case the boy somehow got hit by a car. You can't really see well when you're Naruto-running at top speed. After a few minutes of Naruto-running, they finally made it outside of the corner shop. Both boys entered the shop which was full of other school children.
"What should we get? How about those pack of crisps?" Albus II took two packs of crisps from the shelf and Harry nodded.
"Well, if it isn't Itty-Bitty Potter?" a teenage boy laughed behind Harry once Albus II had left to pay for their food. Harry turned around to see three teenage boys; more specifically, Dudely's gang of friends.
"Who's the tall one? He looks like a rat," Albus II walked back and passed a pack of crisps to Harry, startling Dudely's friends.
"Dudely never told me he had a twin..." one of the boy's said.
"Oh, I'm not his twin! I'm his time-travelling son from the future," Albus II smiled.
"This one's a lunatic!" the third boy laughed and Albus II narrowed his eyes at him.
"You don't want to mess with me! I've got a few knives up my sleeve," Albus II huffed.
The first boy raised his brow, "Don't you mean tricks up your sleeve?"
"Nope, he did not mean tricks up his sleeves," Harry said.
"Nope, I did not mean tricks up my sleeves," Albus II repeated as Dudley's gang of friends stared in horror. All three of them watched Albus II take out several knives from within his sleeves.
"We gotta get outta here, he's crazy," the three teenagers dashed out of the store as Albus II shoved the knives back in his sleeve.
"Now that was something..." Harry shrugged as he and his son left the shop while eating a pack of crisps.
