Crazy Love (COMPLETED)

Chapter thirty six: Still her

MADDIE

Inis na sinara ko ang laptop sa aking harapan. Why the fuck she doesn't have any social media? Saang planeta ba siya nandoon at hindi ko siya mahanap sa kahit saang social media site!

Fuck it.

I know I am the one asked for the space, pero hindi ko naman sinabi na lumayo na siya or mawala na parang bula! I needed that space for my own healing. At totoong hindi siya nakakatulong on my healing process because she is the living proof of my wrong actions and decisions before. The more na nakikita ko siya, mas tumitindi ang guilt feelings ko sa pagkamatay ni Papa. Mas bumabalik ang lahat ng naranasan ko sa koreksyunal. That's why I badly needed that space. Pero ang gago, umalis ng bansa!

"Tss. Sa lahat ng matalino ikaw ang bobo at tanga Dianne." nakangusong siring ko s picture na wallpaper ng phone ko. It was an old picture of her na hindi ko mabura bura kahit noon pa. "Nasaan ka ba? I miss you. . ." pinigilan ko ang maiyak na naman, minsan nakakapagod na rin kase. Wala namang Dianne na susulpot sa harap ko kahit na iiyak ko pa ang lahat ng luha ko.

It's been two months after our last talk, after that day, I am continously seeing my psychiatrist. I even undergo hypnosis kahit na sobrang sakit na bumalik at ulit ulitin ang lahat. Two months is not that long to recover, slowly, I know I am going there. With the help of Kuya Mayn and Kuya Mark, mas nakakaya ko ang lahat.

Si D na lang ang kulang.

I wanted to see her. Kinapalan ko na ang mukha ko kay Alex, pero kahit siya, wala ideya kung nasaan si D. I wanted to go to Philippines dahil isang tao lang naman ang alam kong sasabihan o pupuntahan niya. And that is Emerald. I already know their twisted story tru Alex.

Just thinking her name makes my heart aches. Such a lucky girl, minamahal ng dalawang babae. But not with D, at ako naman eto, minamahal naman si D. What a fate.

"Tulala ka na naman." napatingin ako kay Kuya Mark, na hindi ko alam na nakapasok na pala sa opisina ko. "It's her again, hm?"

I sighed before I fix my tables. "What brought you here Kuya?"

Tiningnan niya ako saka nilapag ang envelop sa mesa ko. Kunot noong tiningnan ko siya. "Open it. But promise me, you will never go back to what you are before. Please- - - . .  ."

"Is it about D-D? W-what about it? I-is she o-okay? Oh my God Kuya, p-please tell me she's okay!" hindi ko mapigilan ang maluha at manginig sa sobrang pag-aalala.

"Hey, calm down. She's fine. Too fine I think, and maybe. . . . moved on." napatingin ako kay Kuya, unable to process of what he is saying. Nilapitan niya ako at hinawakan sa balikat. "Why don't you see it for yourself? But please, don't do or think anything stupid. If she's not meant for you, then so be it. Move forward baby, hm."

I silently open the envelop and found pictures of D. Not just her, but also a girl she's with. I felt my whole world shattered just like before, just like the time she choose Emerald over me. It's like a de ja vú. Napapikit ako at pilit inaalis ang sakit na pumaloob agad sa buong pagkatao ko. Hindi ko makita ang mukha ng babae. Hindi ko alam kung hindi marunong ang nanguha ng litrato o dahil palagi itong yakap ni D. All of her pictures with that girl, she is smiling. Like, she is contented and . . . happy.

Nasapo ko ang dibdib ko sa sobrang sakit. Hindi ko mapigilan ang maiyak at mapasubsob sa kamay ko. All these years and all of the things happen to us, at the end, I still lose her.

Talo pa rin ako.

"Seriously, Carol? May jetlag pa ako." I rolled in the bed at napapikit na lang sa lakas ng boses niya.

I guess old habits die hard.

"Kaloka ka! Hindi ko inexpect na seryoso ka na pupunta ka diyan! What would I tell Mayn!" high pitched pa ring sabi niya. Mas sumasakit tuloy ang ulo ko. After what Kuya Mark told me, without further ado, I fly here in the Philippines. Kahit na hindi ko alam kung saan ko siya hahanapin. Mas okay na ang may gawin ako kesa ang mabaliw na naman kakaisip at kaka what-if na kung may ginawa sana ako things would be different.

"Then tell him you don't know."

"As if I can lie to him!"

"Aw. So it's Kuya na over me, bitch?" asar ko pa. After a long way run na panliligaw niya kay Kuya Mayn, nagbunga rin. They are together now.

Mabuti pa siya.

"Seryoso girl, masasabon ako ng Kuya mo!"

"Pabanlaw ka na lang. I'm sure you like it." natatawang asar ko pa bago ko siya pinatayan ng tawag. I can still hear her loud scream in my head.

After a long run, unti-unti, bumabalik na ako sa dati. Isa na lang talaga ang kulang.

Si Diane.

Bumangon na ako dahil siguradong hindi na ako makakatulog. I'm still adjusting sa oras, kaya naman kahit alas dose na ng gabi dito sa Pinas, gising na gising pa rin ako. I'm wondering what is Diane doing now. I hope hindi sila magkasama ng babae na 'yun. I sighed and hug myself instead. I don't want to think anything dahil nasasaktan lang ako.

"Alex."

"You really go there, huh."

Natawa ako dahil siguradong si Carol ang nagsabi sa kanya. "Anything?"

"Tss. Lucky bitch. I will chat you the address I know she would be. I also sned someone who will drive for you. Mapapatay ako ng mga Kuya mo pag nangyari sa'yo diyan. You should inform me instead- - - . . ."

"Tss. I'm old enough, duh. Bakit ba kayo nag-aalala lahat? I will not be miserable if I would see her happy. I just want to see it myself." pero alam kong sa loob ko, I'm hoping na sana ako pa rin ang mahal niya.

"We just don't want you to get hurt again. Friend ko din si Diane, but, if she is happy who am I to complain? Same goes with you. I don't want you to get hurt, Mads. And akala ko you already get over her."

That's everyone know. Hindi ko alam kung saan nila nakuha ang ideya na I am totally over with Diane. The pain, yes. But loving her, absolutely not. Pagkakamali ko rin talaga because of what I told her that day. Pero ang tanga niya talaga! Nakakafrustrate. I love since the day I laid my eyes on her, how can she be so stupid to think that I am over her.

"I just want to have closure with her. K-kung. . . Kung talagang hindi siya para sa akin. Wala naman akong magagawa hindi ba? Anyway, thanks for the help, Lex. I owe you a lot."

I heard her sigh. "Just be safe always, Mads. I will go there in a week. Kapag hindi pa rin natin siya nakita, let's go home okay."

Pinalis ko ang luha na kumawala sa aking mata matapos ang usapan namin ni Alex. I know she likes me, she's vocal about it. But it is still D. Last chance. Baka sakaling may tsansa pa kaming dalawa. I would not let her go without a fight.

Not again.