Save me from myself

A walk.

Music added.

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"You have everything?" he asked stepping out of the apartment with Willow in her safety seat. Sam took her little crossbody purse and a diaper bag "Yes."

They packed everything in his car and drove off. She enjoyed the car ride, looking out of the window. He was glancing at her and when she sensed it she turned to look at him and smiled.

He parked the car near Palisades Park in Santa Monica. Sam took Willow out with the safety seat while Ronnie tried to open the stroller base, feeling puzzled "Where did you say it opens?"
"Here." she said patiently and pointed on the button under the edge "You got it?"
"Uh-huh." he said and opened it, saying "Here ya go." Sam smiled and attached the safety seat on it.
They had walked a bit, Sam pushing the stroller, when she went to buy coffees for them. When she came back, he continued to push it.
She looked at Ronnie. When he looked at her, she asked "Weird isn't it?"
"Yeah." he chuckled "It's like, we're responsible for that little human. Sam, there's a human being and we made it!" His talking made Sam laugh. After she had calmed down, she said "You know, at first when I found out that I was pregnant, I freaked out." she sighed and continued "Everything changed when I felt her moving. I didn't feel so alone anymore. And after she was born I felt weird, like something vital was removed from my body."
"You got so used to her?" he was surprised.
"Yeah." she smiled "She would wake me up in the mornings by kicking me in the ribs and at night I would brush my hand over my belly so she would fall asleep." She could see he was irritated again "Ronnie, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." he sighed "It just makes me mad that I missed out on everything."

"Not everything, Ronnie." she said sad "You still see her grow up." She saw him nodding thoughtfully and nudged his shoulder
"You're here, that's what's important. Okay?" she looked at him. He nodded again. This time he was more certain of it. He looked at her, feeling glad for the support she was giving him.

They walked along the seaside, enjoying the fresh air and the view, talking about random things to fill the silence.

"So there's a doctors appointment coming up." she said hesitated.

"Willow's?" he asked.

"Yeah, her monthly appointment." she said "I was wondering, if you'd wanna go."

"To take part from my daughters life?" he asked surprised and added "Of course I wanna do that." She felt relieved as she let out her breath and smiled.

"Just tell, me when and where." he said optimistically.

"It's in two days at the local health centre, at 9 a.m." she said.

"Okay. Yeah." he said and took out his phone to mark it in his calendar. She looked at him for a moment and then turned her head to look at the distance. She had often imagined what it would be like having Ronnie in her life. She often wondered if it would come true. She had wondered how he would be as a father. Now she didn't have to guess anymore. This guy was there, giving his best to be there.

"Sam!" Ronnie chuckled "Are you there?"

"Huh?" she turned to look at him.

"Where were you?" he asked grinning.

"Um.. I was just in thoughts." she said.

"You wanna share your thoughts with me?" he asked careful. She looked at him, hesitating.

"Look, I just wanna get to know you." he explained.

"Um.. Yeah, okay." she said, thinking what part of her thoughts she'd share and what not. After a short pause she inhaled and exhaled "I was just reminding the times I was alone. You know, I wasn't sure about you and me.." she said and added quickly "Not like a thing but you know, if we'd get along, if you'd be in our life and how would it be."

"You were thinking that then?" he asked curious.

"Yeah. Hoping." she said blushing.

"Well, here I am." he said smiling.

"Yeah." she agreed and added "And I appreciate it."

"And?" he was curious.

"That's what I was thinking." she said.

"Oh, okay." he said "Cool."

"You were hoping there was more in my thoughts?" she chuckled and added "Cause, I'm so tired these days I'm surprised I'm able to think at all."

"I can imagine.." he said thoughtfully. She saw it and asked "What about you?"

"You wanna hear my thoughts from that time?" he was surprised. Sam nodded. He took a deep breath and let it out slow.

"Well. I was pretty fucked up. Long way before I was sentenced to prison." he said, running his hand through his hair.

"Nothing made sense to me for a long time. You know." he said and Sam nodded, constantly glancing at him.

"I uh... I was assigned to a rehab program around the time you came to visit. So I..um.." he huffed to his thoughts and said "...I was an asshole, Sam." Although she appreciated him saying it, that wasn't what she was aiming for. She shook her head, turning to the side to face him. He sat leaning his elbows on his knees, looking at her "It's the truth. I shouldn't have said the things I said, Sam." Sam nodded.

"And I'm so sorry" he said almost breaking down, looking at the pavement in front of his feet and brushed his palms over his face.

"Hey." she said placing her hand on his shoulder "Thank you for that." She squeezed his shoulders and he nodded.

"But that's not where I aimed with my thoughts." she explained "I have a habit of reminding the times I wished something. Just to appreciate more of what I have now."

He looked at her, surprised. After all the shit he gave her, all the tears and heartbreak, she was still there. Still accepting him. He took her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. There's nothing he could have said to her to let her know how much her words meant to him. First time in a long time, if ever, a woman is appreciating him. If only he had experienced such unconditional love before. If only he wasn't made to feel like complete shit all the time. If only someone would have cared about him like Sam was now.

It made his heart ache and anger rise. Suddenly he snapped out of it and stood up "Lets just drop it, okay."

Sam looked at him, perplexed.. She had followed his impressions as he thought the things few seconds ago. Things had gone to shit in an instant. She stood up and the continued walking.

"What just happened?" she was confused.

"Nothing happened." he answered quickly.

"I don't get it. Did I say something wrong?" she asked concerned.

"No. You didn't." he said bit irritated "Lets just..."

"Okay." she said quickly, hoping he would calm down. He took some time go get his emotions in order and after some quiet moments he asked "You hungry?" Like nothing happened. But she could see through the facade. She nodded and smiled to him, feeling confused inside.

"You like this place?" he asked pointing towards a restaurant near the beach side promenade. She nodded, trying to show like everything was okay. But everything wasn't okay and it bugged her.

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So things are getting better between them, friendlier. I hope you liked this chapter. Lots to come. Thanks, bye.