Save me from myself

Conclusions

She woke up by something placed on her chest. She startled and opened her eyes, seeing his arm laying on her chest. Her heart melted seeing it, thinking that he'd want to cuddle her even if he's so exhausted. That made her happy, although she was still so tired from waking up at night and feeding Willow. She carefully took off his arm and got up, checking Willow before walking to the kitchen. She got the coffee machine running and started with the breakfast like usual. Suddenly there were hands snaking around her waist and she grabbed him by the wrists and turned away, taking a step back, her hand reached out "No.. Before you try anything..." Ronnie looked at her confused so she said "Ronnie, there's things I need to know. To accept what you're going through." He sighed and went to take a seat on the sofa, running his hand through his hair. She followed him.

"What is going on with you, Ronnie?" she asked worried. He scoffed, shaking his head, not knowing where to start.

"You know, I let you come here, crawl here at your worst...." she said calm  "At least tell me the truth." she said walking to him and took his hand  "I'll accept you either way, I just need to know.." she begged.

He sighed and leaned his head on his hands "I've been having a little setback on tour."

"Um... Ronnie... You threw a microphone stand at the crowd and trashed around.." Sam said "A little setback is what you call it?"

"Okay, a major clusterfuck!" he blurted out and snapped "Thanks for pointing that out!"

"I was so worried about you!" she moved closer to him, ignoring that he was bit irritated. He nodded.

"I knew this kind of lifestyle is too much for you." she said disappointed but when she saw  it sounded like nagging, she said "What I mean is that, you should think through all the choices you have, all the people you interact and the impact people have on you." He turned to look at her.

"You're clearly struggling." she said carefully. She had been wanting to talk about it for a while.

"And I wish you'd talk to me more. Even the things you'd usually talk only with your therapist."

"We're a family." she said "We stick together, no matter what." She meant it. What ever was going on between them or wasn't, she wanted them to remain friends and co-parent. He looked at her, appreciating her for accepting him with all his flaws, always sticking by him and hoping for the best. He nodded and sighed.

"We'll as you know, I've been going to therapy. And it has been helpin a lot." he sighed " But I have trouble sleeping and anxiety and shit.. So when I hear all the shit people talk, I get mad." 

"What I did not expect, is that the sleeping meds my doctor prescribed me for the tour fucking me up. Bigtime!" he said disappointed. She listened to him, nodding, her stare blank, finally understanding him "I get that, but Ronnie, you shouldn't mix pills and alcohol."

"I know. And I thought I didn't need the pills. But at one point I was waisted and didn't give shit anymore." She sighed.

"I must admit, trashing around was shitty thing to do but they fucking asked for it..." he justified his behaviour. Sam looked up, not believing what he was saying "Ronnie..." she sighed "Do you really think this teenager was asking to get hit in her face with a microphone stand?"

"It was a fucking accident!" he snapped. 

"That got you arrested, Ronnie!" she said sad "You can afford mistakes like that!"

"I can bail my own fucking ass out just fine!" he snapped.

"I didn't mean that. Goddammit! Who are you?" Sam asked in shock, seeing another side of him, shaking her head "I don't like this version of you!" She was sad, seeing that he acted like that. Cocky, like a total bully.

"Well, maybe it's the only version I know how to be!" he  shouted, jumping onto his feet, startling Sam. She glanced at Willow who was shifting in her sleep.

"Okay calm down!" she said alarmed, her hands reached out "I though more as a father. Ronnie..." she had tears in her eyes "You don't have to act up when you're with us..." That shook him a bit, he glanced towards the crib, clenching his jaw, then sat back on the sofa, looking on his feet, rubbing his fingers nervously.

"I'm not apologizing to no one, if it's what you're suggesting!" he snapped "They should know not to fuck with me. Not to write shit about me!"

Sam stood up and turned to him "I know." she had seen all those mean comments, assumptions, gossiping and talking shit about him and his family. She couldn't fully accept his behaviour but fighting with him because of that wouldn't do any good either and he really didn't need another person stand against him. She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her head on the backrest "I just wish you'd talk to me more."

"I'm figuring things out as I go... It's not some kind of autobiography I'd read to you." he said annoyed.

"I know." she sighed "And I'm with you. Okay?" she asked.

He looked at her for a moment. "Okay." he said and took a deep breath and leaned his head on the backrest "I just feel like... everything is falling apart and I'm so tired of getting shit thrown at my face for everything!" Sam didn't answer. He looked at her, seeing her crying silently, tired of the worry he mostly caused her. He took her hand and squeezed it. Suddenly they heard fussing behind the sofa and he knew, he had to get his shit together. Even for a while, to enjoy the time with his daughter. He knew she didn't have to deal with his instability. He brushed his hands over his face and took deep breaths. Sam had already tried her tears and was leaning over the crib. He stood up and  went next to her.

"Hey, babygirl." he said with such  love. Seeing her in her crib, so adorable, he knew he had so much to fight for. He knew it wouldn't happen over night, but he was willing to work for it. He took his precious daughter in his arms and hugged her, his cheek against hers "You smell so soft." He walked around the apartment for some time, letting Willow do the magic. Sam had been finishing the breakfast.

"I should probably post an official apology to the fans." he finally said. Sam looked at him, surprised that he had made his own conclusion. This was something no-one could force him to do, but something that Willow managed to do. Just by looking into her eyes, he had reached to the decision. Just like that.

"It would be the right thing to do." she said and smiled to him.

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Another chapter for you, Ronsters! Is it me or Ronnie as a dad is ffing adorable?!!! He's like a different person when he's with her.  Let me know.

Thanks for the love. Byeeeeee.