Beyond the Flashing Lights

Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning to something staring at me. I jolt up. And smack my head on the ceiling forgetting I was in a fucking bunk bed.

"Ahh, fuck!" I rub the top of my head

"That's a dirty word." A shy little voice whispers

My eyes focus in on what was staring at me. Abigail.

"What is wrong with you? How'd you get up here and why are you watching me sleep?" I half whisper half yell.

"Just because I'm 5 doesn't mean I can't climb a small latter. And I wanted to wake you up." The sassy little thing says while shrugging her shoulders. I lay my head back down on the pillow. Still rubbing the top of my head.

"I'm okay by the way thanks for asking." I say to her as I roll my eyes. This kid is getting under my skin.

"Don't be a baby. Come on let's get some cereal!" She says while starting to climb down the latter

Are you freaking kidding me what a little shit.

"Don't tell anyone about the umm...dirty word..." I awkwardly ask this tiny human to keep my secret. "Don't worry it's our secret." She whispers with her hand up to her mouth. It makes me giggle.

—

I excuse myself after breakfast and small talk to retreat back to bed. The heartache of Adam is starting to set in.

"Are you okay?" Rebecca comes in the room and tries to peak up to the top bunk.

"I don't know." I say feeling defeated

"Talk to me Kami." She pleads

"I think I need to be alone." I let out a sigh

"Okay, let's pack your things." She says matter of factly.

I peak my head out to look down at her. "What?"

"I know how you are. I'm proud of you for being here this long. Plus I think you should go and talk to him in person." She says while sitting at the chair in the room. "I'm here for you no matter what and it if you feel like you need to leave. I will support you."

"I need to see him." I say.

I see her slightly jump in her seat and clasps her hands. I know she thinks Adam has an excuse. "Let's get your ass out of here!"

I look at her with a stern look. "That's a dirty word." And she bust out laughing. "Let me guess, Abigail?" She says. I laugh, "yep!" And my heart swells at the memory of her little sass from this morning. I might miss that tiny human when I leave.

As I'm packing up to leave I hear what sounds like a dance party coming from the other room. "Is it always this loud?" I ask Rebecca. She giggles "pretty much." I just shake my head thinking how weird these people are but in an endearing way.

Momma has made me snacks for the road because a girl should 'always have a full belly.' She again cups my cheek. "You are welcome here anytime baby girl. You are family." My heart flutters at her words. It makes me think of my mom. I wish she could have been more like this woman then maybe I would be a little more accepting of love and affection.

My dad hardly ever said 'I love you' to me. It wasn't that he didn't love me. We just never spoke it out loud very often.

A little hand tugging on my coat sleeve breaks my thoughts. "I made this for you." Abigail hands me a picture she drew of herself and me. It makes warmth flow through my body. "What is that suppose to be on my head?" I ask her a little confused by the picture. She gestures her little finger for me to come closer to whisper in my ear. "From when you hit your head and said a dirty word, our little secret." I see momma's eyebrow raise. Abigail's whisper wasn't so much a whisper. "Thank you Abi." I give her a smile and she wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes the life out of me again.

I head off leaving Becca's home. And a part of me feels like I left a piece of myself there. The weight of everything weighs me down and I begin to sob.

Adam shattered my heart. I knew I had given my heart up but I didn't realize how much until now. I suddenly miss my mom who I haven't thought of in years. I miss Bethany she always knew what to say. And now I miss Rebecca's nonstop chit chat to distract me.

I turn off the radio for silence. Just to drive and get lost in my thoughts. I think of the moments with Adam. Him tickling me and me screaming. Him literally burning every meal he attempted to make. And then I feel like I've been slapped in the face all over again.

He probably was lost in the kitchen because Amanda was the one to put his kitchen stuff away. Oh my god, I lost my virginity in their bed! Why did he ever let me leave stuff there? It was his home with his future wife. I was some little toy! Was this some kind of game? Was he just laughing behind my back? The heartache I feel is now fury and betrayal. It's time to see him face to face. Even if it's for him to laugh at me. I need closure. I pull over to the side of the road to send a quick text.

Adam, I'll be back at my dorm in two hours. You can meet me there. Need to talk.
-Kami