Beyond the Flashing Lights

Chapter 10-July

2 years since Bethany's death

Kami POV

Today is the last day in July. It is the 2 year anniversary of Bethany's death. It's also the day before Becca and I head to New York to move into our new apartment and get acquainted with the area.

My heart has a familiar ache the moment I wake up. I'm back home to visit dad before we head to New York and Rebecca is with me. I hear chatter coming from down stairs I can't really make out the voices so I tip toe down stairs quietly. I see Becca sitting across the kitchen table from my dad, it makes me smile and reminds me of a similar morning with Bethany.

I wake up and Bethany isn't in my room. A surge of panic shoots through me. Bethany's dad died a few days ago and I know she is struggling. I get out of bed and hear voices. I think it's my dad. I tip toe down the stairs and get a sneak peek of dad sitting across from Bethany at the kitchen table. Her hands are over her face and I can tell she has been crying. "Your dad would be proud of you Bethany for how you've handle all this. But it's okay for you to cry." I hear my dad tell Bethany. "And you are always welcome here. You've become family and I'm so grateful for how good you are to Kami." My dad never talks like this and I feel a burning in my eyes. Before I enter the kitchen I compose myself so that I can be here for Bethany in all the ways she's been here for me over the years. "Good morning Beth!" I say as I walk toward the coffee, she looks up at me with her bright blue eyes and smiles through her tears.

"I'm so thankful you and Kami were roommates this last year and how close you've become. She needed you." I hear my dad say to Becca.

I have to settle myself a little bit from the memory of Bethany. I know today is going to be a long day. But there are moments like this that Becca reminds me so much of Bethany and it freaks me out. I think having her here today is going to be a little weird. But I appreciate her insisting we don't leave for New York until after today so I could visit her at the cemetery.

"Good morning you two." I say to dad and Becca as I walk through the kitchen straight to the coffee. I feel the air in the room shift because of my presence. I'm not as fragile as I was 6 months ago but I know they are still concerned. "Good morning." They both say in nervous unison.

"I'm okay." I look between the two of them. And their heads fall down slightly. "It's a shitty day but I'm stronger than I was 2 years ago and even 6 months ago." I feel like I'm fucking convincing myself more than them.

"Sweetie, I know. But I'm always going to worry about you. You'll understand that one day." My dad says and I spit my coffee out while Becca laughs. My dad raises his eyebrow at us.

"Let me get through today before you bring up the possibility of one day maybe getting a grandchild from me." Jesus dad I'm not even 20 yet.

He raises his hands signaling his defeat and laughs as he walks out of the kitchen.

I sit at the table next to Becca. And I hear my phone go off from a text message. I can feel in my gut it's Adam. I don't even have to look to know.

Hey Kami. I know today is probably a shitty day. And it's okay for you to feel however you feel today. I just wanted to remind you that I'm thinking of you. I'm always thinking of you.
-Adam

Tears fall down my face.

"What is it?" Becca asks while squeezing my hand.

"It's Adam." I say as I wipe my tears and hand her my phone to read the message.

"Kami....." she looks at me with that look and I know she wants to butt in and tell me I've given it long enough.

But I put my hand up to stop her. "Not today Becca."

She takes a deep breath and I can see she wants to argue with me but little miss Chatty Cathy keeps her mouth shut. I need to write this down in remembrance. She sees the smirk forming on my face from my thoughts.

"I know what you are thinking but this isn't over. I'll give you 24hours. Remember you are stuck with me for a loooooooong drive tomorrow." She reminds me.

"Yeah yeah" I try to brush off the thought of being stuck in close corridors for an extended time with her 'giving me advice.'

—
We get to the small flower shop and the middle age lady behind the counter is very pregnant, her name tag reads Amber. She was here last time I was here just less pregnant.

"Hi Kami, good to see you again. Yellow and light pink?" She asks me in her high pitch I'm so sorry for you voice.

"Yes. Thank you." I say giving her a weak smile.

Becca asks to go to the cemetery with me. Which is sweet and odd because who volunteers to go to the cemetery. Rebecca Ann Donaldson. That's freaking who.

The drive there from the flower shop is short and quiet. Bethany... I mean...fuck I've never done that before. Becca is obviously feeling nervous because she is doing that fidgety thing she does with her fingers. It makes my heart ache missing Bethany but finding such comfort in Becca.

Bethany Michaels. Just shy of 18 passed away in a tragic automobile accident on July 31st. She is survived by her mother, Amy Michaels. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends. She is preceded in death by her father, Nathaniel Michaels. Bethany enjoyed hanging out with her best friend Kami Cooper. She loved reading and creating. Bethany had planned on attending college to study interior design. She was a bright light to all who knew her. Never without a smile and a helping hand. Bethany was loved by all and will be dearly missed.

The words from her obituary that was read at her funeral echo in my head as I put the car in park.

"I'm here if you need me." Becca says with a scratchy voice.

I look to her and smile. I can't find my voice to say the words. But I really am glad she is here.

AN:

The text from Adam 😭
Becca is the ultimate friend

For all those that grief... it's okay to feel however you feel. It doesn't matter if it's been a day, a 100 days, or 10 years. Grieving is just another form of love and we shouldn't ever be afraid to show that love however we need to.