Beyond the Flashing Lights

Chapter 8

Adam POV

Its Christmas morning and I wake up in my own place alone. I decided to not go to my parents for Christmas because of my father.

I've started typing out messages to Kami everyday since she said goodbye to me. I've never sent them. Fuck. This hurts. I hate this feeling. I realized I was in love with her too late. I know it's my fault. I know I fucked this up. And it hurts. She consumes my every thought and every moment.

My phone rings and I jump hoping it's her.

Mom is calling. I throw my head back.

"Hey mom, Merry Christmas."

"I can't believe you didn't come home for at least Christmas." I can tell she is crying

"Mom you can thank your husband for that."

"Your brother and sister are here. We are all worried about you."

"Tell them our father chose his best friend's daughter over his first born son."

I hear her release the breath she is holding. "Sweetie, I know he is sorry. Would you just talk to him?"

"I don't know mom not today."

"Are you... are you with that girl?" She hesitantly asks.

"Nope. She wants nothing to do with me!" I growl at her for asking such a stupid question

"Honey, you are by yourself on Christmas? In a new place do you even have a tree up or food?" And there is the southern belle of my mom. Worried about me eating

It does make me smile. "Mom I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"I will always worry about you my dear."

"Love you mom."

She begins to sniffle her cries again. "I love you son."

We hang up and I feel slightly guilty for not being there with her and my siblings.

My phone dings and I look down to see her name.

Merry Christmas Adam.
-Kami

My hands start to tremble and my heart aches. She was thinking of me today.

Merry Christmas Kami. I hope you find what you are looking for and come back to me one day. Always waiting.
-Adam

How pathetic I sound. But I deserve this. I put us into this situation. It fucking hurts. She doesn't reply but that's okay. I'll remind her as many times as I need. That I will wait for her.

I pull out my camera and rolls of film. I printed the photos I've taken over the last few months. I never deleted the photos of Kami like I planned to. Many of them she has no clue I took of her. Which is probably kind of creepy. But now I'm so thankful I have them. It's all I have of her for now. Hopefully just for now.

She looks so effortlessly beautiful laughing and running as I was chasing her around my old apartment in this one. We had some great memories at that apartment.

My favorite is from our first date. It wasn't suppose to be a date but it was. Her painting surrounded by a crowd. Her and that homeless man. He just beamed at her for her beauty and talent. I laugh remembering him hustling me out of a thousand bucks later that night.

This one. Is of us holding hands. I snapped it as we were walking down the sidewalk to the super market. I managed an angle to catch part of our hands and part of her face. So many candid photos of her.

And this one she knows about. She posed for me one night. She got brave after a class of wine. She giggled while laying on the bed "paint me like one of your French girls." I can still hear her laughter in the air. She surprised me by taking off her top but turning her back to me. Her hair falls loosely down her back. Her head tilted to the side. She isn't looking at the camera but I can see that smirk she would get when she started coming alive. After I snapped it she hurried up and threw my t-shirt on so I couldn't see her breasts.

I'd never really taken photos of people before Kami. Mostly just scenery and different architecture. Kami appreciated architecture too. We would have great conversation about the building styles throughout the city. Chicago is known for its influence in architecture and I loved that Kami appreciated it as much as me. She had such an eye for art and her intelligence of its history. She never gave herself enough credit.

I gather the photos up and put them back in a box to tuck them up into my closet for safe keeping. Hopefully one day I'll get to take more of her and I together. But for now I will have these. 

AN: a short and sweet chapter