Beyond the Flashing Lights

Chapter 5

Adam POV

I wake up to the sun beaming through the window. It must be in the middle of the day by now. It's been two days since Kami left and I've been drunk the whole time. Hell, I think it's been two days but it feels like a week.

I found a new place to live in thanks to my father's threat. Apart of me thinks he wouldn't of gone through with it but I don't care. I don't want his support. Thankfully I'm smart and have had a job since I was 17-18 and I've saved every single dime. I will be able to manage just fine on my own for now.

I sulk to the small kitchen to get some water. I see my beer bottles laying everywhere. And my whiskey glasses have left water rings in numerous places. My stomach grumbles. I don't think I've eaten since she left. Just drank. And I smell like ass.

I get in the shower and let the hot water burn my skin. All I can think about is being in the shower with Kami, tasting her, hearing her moans. Fuck! Just the thought of her makes me hard. I turn the water to cold in disappointment. I don't even have the energy to get myself off. All I want is her back in Chicago with me, in my arms. After my long shower I go to grab my phone.

Don't get your hopes up. Don't get your hopes up

I jump! There is a message from Kami. From an hour and a half ago. She wants to see me. I hurry up and get dressed and jump in my car to speed over to the dorms.

I knew it. I thought maybe she loved me. I hoped she did. This is it. I can explain the whole situation and we can go back to being us. Us. I like thinking about us. For the first time in my life I see a happy future with someone. I can picture it with Kami. I haven't completely allowed myself to think this way but now that I have. There is no stopping it.

My heart beats harder with nerves and excitement once I pull into the dorms.

I make my way upstairs two at a time and I can feel that she is near. I finally feel a weight lifted from me by being this close to her, even with a door between us. Before I even knock the door swings open. She must be able to sense me too.

Fuck, she looks beautiful.  She looks tired but so beautiful. She has on tight yoga pants and a cropped sweat shirt showing that little bit of skin that drives me crazy. Her hair is up in a mess. No makeup she doesn't need any. She is perfect.

I take a step toward her before she can say anything my mouth lands right into hers. And I feel the electric shock blaze through my body. I feel her part her lips to let me kiss her harder. But then it's cut too short by a sting on my cheek as she slaps me across the face.

"What the hell Adam? You are ENGAGED!" She throws her hands in the air. 

"Haven't you listen to my voicemails?" I say too harshly rubbing my cheek. The same one my mom smacked "I told you it's not what it seems." I let out the air I've been holding.

Tears well up in her eyes and it kills me that it's me who has done this to her.

"That night... I thought.. I thought maybe you..." she stutters but I know what she thought. I interrupt her. "I do... I ..." She stops me putting her hands to my chest before I can say more. "NO! No, don't you dare fucking say you love me. Not after all this!" Her face is turning red and I watch her heartache turn to anger.

"Kami listen to me. Amanda is crazy. We aren't engaged. She faked it during my grandmothers funeral because I broke up with her." I'm pleading to her with my arms around her waist. "Please you have to believe me."

She steps away from my touch and heart shatters for the millionth time in the last couple days.

"She had a fancy ring, she buy that herself? By the way it was quite hideous!" She says in that tone of hers. She is so forward with some things and I love it.

"She found it." I say feeling defeated.

She furrows her brow. "Found it?"

"My mother gave me our family ring, the hideous one, she thought, Amanda and I were to that point. I didn't have the heart to tell her we weren't. So I took it and hid it in my room. Once I came home for the funeral and told Amanda I wanted to break up, she found it and put it on and announced to everyone that I had proposed!" I'm out of breath from my explanation.

"So how long did you plan on having this fake engagement." She rolls her eyes at the word fake. This girl and her sass. She drives me mad in all the ways.

"I was suppose to go home in early November but after Rebecca's accident and you confiding in me I couldn't bare the thought of leaving you." I tell her again reaching to touch her. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other. I can tell she is uncomfortable so I stick my hands in my pocket. Like a fucking child.

"And were you ever going to tell me of this fake engagement?" She asks looking deep into my eyes. And I can't lie to her. "Did you ever plan to introduce me to your sister, who isn't named Amanda?" She has a more calm and serious tone now and it scares the hell out of me.

I hang my head down. "I honestly don't know."

She shakes her head. "You hurt me Adam, in a way I don't know if I can forget. Not now at least." I know where she is going with this and I can't let her.

"Please don't Kami, don't push me away. You always run. Don't run from me. Let me show you.."

She steps toward me and catches me off guard. I feel my heart swell. She cups my cheeks with her hands. And plants the most gentle kiss on my lips. It was so light I almost didn't feel it but I did. Everywhere. Still holding my cheeks tears begin to well in her eyes again and slowly roll down her cheeks.

"This is it, isn't?" I say forcing the lump in my throat down.

"You were the first person I've ever let be so close to me. It always scared me. I'm fragile with you. I need to find my strength on my own. I need to find myself before I can let you that close to me again. You hurt me Adam. And I hurt myself for letting it happen. For now, you have to let me go so I can figure out who I am. Who I am without Bethany and who I am without ...you." She hangs her head down to avoid looking into my eyes.

"I will never let you go." Tears falling from my eyes. This can't be it. Not forever." I say to her. She smiles through her tears.

I know she is right that she was so fragile and I was so afraid of breaking her that I did the worst possible thing and now she is gone.

AN: no worries there is still a lot of book left

Poor Adam. What do you think of Kami's decision? Does Kami seem to be growing as a person ?