Beyond the Flashing Lights

Chapter 30

Kami POV

Adam and I have been back at my childhood home for almost two weeks now. I haven't stopped vomiting. I go to the doctor today for the first time since the incident.

I haven't quite wrapped my head around being pregnant or actually believing I am. I never really thought I'd want kids. I didn't have a great example of a mother. But Adam is just as fucking giddy as could be.

He is so excited to be a father and it does warm my heart to think of him as one.

The downfall of all of this is he watches me like a fucking hawk and thinks I can't do anything. If it's not because of being pregnant it's because of my concussion.

Adam has his place in Texas up for sale. And Becca and Jason are leaving the NYC apartment today. They are coming here tonight to stay before they jet off on their adventure.

I asked Amy to bring over some of Bethany's photos when she was young. And I've questioned her about the adoption process. There is just something bugging me. I think I know what it is but I'm not willing to say it until I know for sure.

I look at the picture of Bethany right after she was born with her birth mother. The picture is so weathered it's hard to tell. The lady always felt familiar to me

Mrs Michaels? Wait, you aren't Mrs. Michaels.. Beth who is this lady?  Sweetie, it's me Lily.

Part of my dream replays in my head when I look at this photo. Could this be her? Amy also brought the photo of Bethany and I when were 14 or 15 the first day of school. It's the picture that Momma noticed at the wedding. I wonder if she saw the resemblance in them. Becca got to Momma's when she was 14. Right about the age Bethany was in this picture.

This is all too much for me to process but it's eating me alive. Speaking of eating. I haven't for like an hour. I need a snack

"Baby are you ready to leave?" Adam comes into the kitchen putting his arms around my waist from behind. Resting his hands on my belly.

"I just need a snack for the road and then we can go."

He laughs. The doctor's office is like 5 minutes away. I feel a surge of rage. "So!?"

I can see he wants to laugh but he is also a little afraid of me. He opens up the pantry and says "Okay let's get mommy some food." Everything in my body halts even my breathing. Mommy?

"Shit sorry. Are you okay?" He stutters out, seeing the blood drain from my face.

"I just.... hadn't... really thought that I guess." I fumble the words and feel guilty for my reaction. I just don't know if I'm ready to be a mom.

We head to the doctors office and I notice the small quiet town that I grew up in looks so much brighter now.

"Do you like it here?" I ask Adam as I continue looking out the passenger window. "Do you like
living here?"

"When you came to my house in Texas it felt like home for the first time. When I came to your place in New York City. It felt like home. Being with you, anywhere .... is home."

I roll my eyes at this sap sap. "But do. You. Like. This. Town?" I spell out my original question

"To be honest... I never thought I would live in a small town but when we came here for the wedding... I thought it would... I thought it would be the perfect place to raise a family... with you." His words fall nervously but they warm my heart. Damn it his sap is rubbing off on me.