STAY WITH US (BTSxreader)

Chapter 37: Danger

(This chapter is dedicated my my little euphoria KK who's birthday is in a couple days xx have a very happy birthday my love, thank you my darling, for filling my days with smiles and happiness xoxo) 

Truly, this is a new type of pain.

On the plane journey back to the UK I barely slept, barely moved, barely blinked. The overwhelming sense of disappointment I had for myself was weighing me down to an almost numb state of mind.

The boys, my sweet boys... I'll miss you.

Watching the world pass me by outside my window I let a tear fall, this was it. Everything that I had feared would happen actually happened. I let my stupid feelings cloud my judgement, and if it weren't for Bang... the boys would be paying the price for it.

I need to promise myself to stop, just stop.

I'm not good for them... as Bang said, I need to distance myself, so that's what I'll do... no matter how hard it hurts me to do so.

I knew now I'd be staying in the UK for college, but it wasn't till I was back in my bedroom did it really hit me... 2 years... 2 years of distance... it would destroy me... but this wasn't about me... this was about them.

They don't need me anyway... they shouldn't even want me...

...

The week I arrived home I felt so down... so useless... that I did absolutely nothing, no internet, no phone, no skype calls. Of course I answered the occasional worried phone call to the boys, just to reassure them I was fine, but they never lasted more than 5 minutes.

Instead, I spent some well-needed time with my family, though all they wanted to do was watch American Hustle life, knowing that I was in it.

"Oh my gosh! Y/n that's you!!" my mum screamed as she pointed to the screen. It was me alright, my face was blurred, but still, it felt incredible to see myself there, being a part of it all.

I appeared a couple more times throughout the episodes, but I couldn't really care less. My heart stung with every minute I watched, knowing just how much fun we had, and just how badly I could have hurt them.

My eyes bulged out of my sockets when I saw a very shirtless Hoseok on screen. All my pessimistic thoughts flung to the side for a split second of pure scorching heart ache. He looked perfect, he was an angel, sculpted like a Greek God... and my heart couldn't take it. My face burned with a fiery blaze as my mum giggled to the side of me.

"hmm who's that one?"

"Hoseok... or J-hope" I mumbled.

"Hello Jhope" my mum smirked.

"Mum! You're married!" I giggled in a joke.

"not me!" she yelled before smirking evilly again "I was just thinking, I understand why you go over there now" I scoffed a little at her joke, before a wave of reality hit me... would I ever go over there again?

I shouldn't, but I desperately miss them... but you can do this Y/n, you MUST do this.

Even if it is torture...

...

August had arrived and with it the announcement of BTS's new album.

On the 5th the solo intro: 'What am I to you?' Was released. Sitting down, I prepared myself for despair at just hearing one of their voices again.