STAY WITH US (BTSxreader)

Chapter 44: Growing colder

Trigger warning: mentions of depression and suggestion of suicide

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How was I supposed to tell the guys...

Tell them that I had to go out with someone else, someone fucking awful, just to protect them and their name.

I had agreed to Steven's ultimatum for now, I didn't want him to leak anything before I came up with a strategy to get to those messages.

Walking home I felt like a failure, passing every bridge I imagined what would happen if I just jumped. I wasn't thinking seriously, but still, it would save me a lot of stress... and a lot of upset.

It was only 5:00 when I got home from college, but I immediately headed to the cupboard where the alcohol was stored. Grabbing a whole bottle of pink Gin I walked to my room, my feet dragging behind me. I sat on the floor with a thud, spun the cab off the bottle and started sipping.

God... what did I just agree to... he's going to want to hug me all the time... kiss me even... Lord save me.

I held my head in my hands as I continued drinking my worries away.

Could I tell my parents? What could they do?

He could just share those texts with a push of a button if he wanted to. I needed to convince him, stop him somehow... so that he can't leak them, ever.

But I can't be with him forever, I'd rather die.

I'd have to tell the boys sooner or later... but not yet, it was 1am there... I'd let them sleep for now...

As if they could hear my thoughts, I started to receive a call from Namjoon.

Pulling myself together I pressed answer...

"Hello, Joonie?"

"Y/n darling, how are you?" His warm cheery voice almost broke me, but I had to suck it up.

"Joonieee what are you doing up so late?" I groaned at him, I was worried for his sleeping schedule.

"nothing Y/n-ie, I'm just on my way home right now"

"wait are you walking?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah"

"but you don't get wifi on the street? Joonie are you calling me from your phone's data?"

"yeah?"

"namjoooooon noo, don't waste your money like that"

"oh shush it's my money I'll do what I want" I could easily hear the smile in his voice.

"so stubborn" I huffed, lips twitching upwards.

"yeah, but you love me" I took a second to breathe deeply, it was taking all of me not to cry right now.

"...I do" my voice shook "so much"

"sweetie you okay?" I took another deep breath clearing my voice.

"yeh-" was all I could push out without my throat squeaking.

"are you lying to me?"

"yeh-" He chuckled at my honesty.

"Y/n, talk to me" his deep voice wafted over my whole body, finally allowing me to breathe.

"I will, tomorrow morning, when all of you are together"

"sweetie why? Something has happened hasn't it?" He knew something was wrong, he could hear it in my voice.

"it has... and it sucks" I laughed a little at my situation, though a tear still fell.